Friday, December 30, 2005

Pictures...

Hey guys - pictures from Bdays, Thanksgiving and Xmas are posted. I will be adding comments, but they are viewable now. Take care and have a safe New Years!!!

The boy who cried wolf...

One of our children has been complaining of being sick a lot lately and it is starting to seem like a story to get out of doing certain things. Tonight, it seemed to be to get out of eating steak...

Anyway, I brought up how I hope this isn't the case, when one of the other children brought in the boy who cried wolf story...

Child 1: Yeah, just like in the boy who cried wolf. And then the wolf came, and ate all of the sheep...
Child 2: Yeah, and it ate the boy too...
Child 1: Ohh, that's right. Karma.

Wine...

It turns your peeth turple...

Can we say someone had too much?

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Weather...

All right. I know I complained about being cold a while back. Well, yesterday was not so cold. Since the kids are home for break and I'm primarily working from home, I tossed them outside so they could run, play and make noise. The best excuse for needing to come in after 20 minutes:

"But Dad, it's too WARM outside."

It was around 60 degrees out yesterday and I made the kids play outside for about 2 hours. You would have thought it was a hardship. I mean, it isn't like we didn't torture them with a hike on Christmas Eve, which is so much more wrong than playing outside in beautiful weather...

Umm, so, I apologize for complaining about the cold here in Georgia before. And also now about driving you crazy with the warm and beautiful weather here the last few days...

Come Again?

I went the other day to the "Apple Store" in our local mall as I was trying to decide whether or not I could run necessary business applications on an iPod. I showed up, and there was actually a line of people waiting to get into the store. And I waited. And there wasn't even a roller coaster or treats or anything inside. What was that all about?

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

So TIGHT!!!

The youngest has begun a new trend which is already VERY annoying...

Instead of presents being "cool" or "awesome" or some other similar monicher, they were all "so tight...".

Youngest: Oh wow! This is SOO TIGHT!!!
Me: So, does that mean you like it?
Youngest: Yeah!!!
Me: Well, that's good. I'd hate for it to be loose...
Youngest: Huh?

Yep, while I understood what was meant, the phrase just doesn't completely cross over for me...

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Happy Ho-Ho...

Happy Holidays to all. Tonight has always been special for our family as I'm sure it is for yours, regardless of faith or creed. The kids are excited. The wife is excited. I'm excited. Heck, the dog is excited. All waiting on a snappily dressed fat burglar to show up...

So, from our family to you and yours, I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season. I hope that you get to share your time and memories with people who love and care about you as much as you do them. For those not with us due to distance or disaster, know that we are thinking of you and you will be with us in spirit. As the jolly fat man says:

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!

Duck Hunting...

The other day, one of the children came into my room late at night when the following discussion ensued:

Child: What was that?
Mom: That was your father...
Dad: Nope, it was a duck...
Child: A duck?
Dad: Yep, I'm duck hunting...
Child: Well, that one's dead...

Monday, December 19, 2005

What the heck were they thinking...



I'm always amazed when incredible cars like this are out and about during prime shopping times...

Shopping...

At dinner the following ensued:

Middle: I want credit!!!
Me (not sure of the context): For what? Gambling? Shopping, what?
Middle: Shopping...
Me: Whatcha gonna get me?
Middle: Women's winter underwear...

Ahh, at least they think about me...

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Football Sunday...

I always knew my wife just didn't get it when it came to certain sports like football. Today, I learned just how true that is while watching the Indianapolis Colts attempt to continue their undefeated season. It all started at the beginning of the fourth quarter.

Wife: Who is that getting off the ground? (Referring to Ladanian Thomlinson) Is that the quarterback?
Me: Umm, no...
Wife: Well, then why do they keep picking him up off the ground?
Me: Because he keeps getting knocked down.

Wife: So, are we rooting for South Dakota or Indiana?
Me: *crickets*
Wife: What?
Me: Umm, San Diego and Indianapolis.
Wife: Well, same initials.

Wife: Is this college or professional? (As game fades to commercial)
Me: Don't you remember going to the UM game with me?
Wife: Yeah. What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Do you remember what day of the week that was on?
Wife: No, why would I?
Me: Because until bowl season, all college games are typically on Saturday and all pro games are on Sunday...
Wife: Yeah, so?
Me: Well, it's Sunday, which implies...
Wife: Why would you expect me to know that?
Me: I wouldn't, but I would have thought you'd have picked up the hints such as no "University" in the team names and that when we went to commercial they promoted "NFL on CBS"...
Wife: I used to think it was the game I didn't like...now I know it to be you...

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Sweet Nothings...

Today, while finishing up the last of our Christmas shopping, the wife and I are standing in line when the following occurs:

She sweetly, leans in, gives me a big warm hug and whispers in my ear...

"Did you fart?"

Ahhh, the joys of marital bliss and whispered (un)sweet nothings...

Update: I did not post this part mainly because I couldn't figure a way to post online forcefully without coming across defensive...

I DID NOT FART!!!

Friday, December 16, 2005

More childish fun...

The middle, oldest and mother were going to a Christmas party. They were running late and the oldest hadn't put any shoes on yet, so Mom instructs them to head for the car and the oldest should put her shoes on in the car. Unfortunately for the oldest, the car was locked and Mom was still looking for her purse, which led to a very amusing "cold foot" dance likely to be all the rage in the clubs as soon as I figure out how to market it...

Well, that obviously won't work...

Mom: So, do you understand why you got in trouble?
Youngest: Not really.
Mom: What, is it going to take? Until you have children?
Youngest: Probably.
Mom: So, you're saying you aren't going to understand until you're 30?
Youngest: Yeah, but I'll have moved out by then.

Business As Usual...

Many of you know that I frequently work from home. The past couple of weeks however, I've had to go into a client site to work with many others. Generally, whenever I need to do this, I dress professionally: suit, tie and even take a shower on most days. This seemed to strike the others as strange, leading to the following conversation.

Co-Worker: Awww, look. He's all dressed up again...
Me: Yeah. I needed to come in and see you guys and I just thought to myself that my normal attire, yesterdays underwear, just wouldn't be appropriate for this setting...

I think that might be the last time they bug me about dressing professionally for work...

More fun breakfast conversations...

Youngest: Mom, I have oatmeal running through my boo-boo medicine.
Middle: What's this about boob fantasies? Why are you talking about boob fantasies?

Now, keep in mind these children are 7 and 8 years old respectively. So, while I don't have a particular hard time with this conversation mainly due to ages and understanding, I'm really curious how they found out about boob fantasies. I mean, it's not like I'm running around talking about mine with everyone in the household. Nor do I think my wife is doing it (although I can dream, and if you do dear, I WANT PICTURES - I might even be able to help...).

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Don't forget...

Back on my birthday, my wonderful wife procured two tickets to the Wings game here in Atlanta on Tuesday. The Wings lost 7-6 in what was an excellent game. In a couple strokes of luck, a friend and coworker of mine was in town working with me. Knowing he's a big hockey fan, I invited him and the others we were working with to the game as well. He was the only one to decide to join us. Since my wife picked up our tickets months ago and because the Wings tend to be a draw where ever they go, we didn't think Jim would be able to sit anywhere near us and were pleasantly surprised when he was able to purchase tickets in our section and when no one showed up to sit in the seats around us. Unfortunately for Jim, that allowed the following conversations:

Me: (While wife was gone to the restroom)Jim, I need to go to the restroom - watch my wife's purse please

Which Jim, being the gentleman he is, did so without complaint. The unfortunate part comes in later when:

Jim: I've got to go to the restroom. I'll be right back...
Me: No problem. (waits until he is halfway down the row and then shout) I'll watch your purse for you!

Jim didn't come back to his seat, even after all of the laughter died down. He then proceeded to run over a guy three times trying to leave the parking lot in such a rush.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Happy Birthday!!!

Today, the youngest turned 7! What does the birthday kid want for dinner? Yep - mac and cheese. MMM GOOD!

Happy birthday to what I consider to be the most ecclectic personality mix possible.

Update: Sad, but we convinced the child to eat McDonald's. Worked well as long as the family agreed to sing "Happy Birthday" in the restaurant. Well, whatever it takes to avoid Kraft Mac & Cheese or some other derivative.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Overheard...

...I am going to pummel you in the head repeatedly...(From Dad)

...I know, I know, I know. I don't know, I'm not a mind reader...(Oldest - which helped get the above response)

...My room is clean. Well except for this, and that, oh, and those...(Middle upon room inspection)

...The reason it is taking me so long to get my room cleaned is that I'm looking for a place for my new stuff...(From Youngest, referring to gifts from recent birthday party)

...Help Me...(Mother - on chore day)

...aroo-roo, roo...(Minnie - wondering why everyone is working and not loving or playing with her)

Welcome to a typical Chore Day in our house. I know, I know, TMI - "Too Much Information" - well, too boring at least...

Technology backslide...

The middle child likes to skip songs on various CDs which tends to drive the entire family incredibly batty. My wife came up with a very good idea which I seriously think we need to consider: switch to cassettes. I mean, do you remember trying to stop at exactly the beginning of the next song on a cassette? It was impossible, and not only that, it gave us the patience to listen to the whole tape. If you didn't, you put yourself into the world of trying to just find "that one song". People, tapes are the reason I didn't really get into music until my late twenties...The only downside I see is that I don't think even my oldest really knows how to work a cassette tape.

Speaking of technology - the kids are entirely addicted to DVR. They've already blocked out the fact that it used to be a major production to tape a show and that live TV wasn't pausable, let alone rewindable. So, while these new features are totally addicting, I have to wonder why I still can't find time to watch the game I wanted to see. Seems like the majority of things which get DVR'd are things like SpongeBob and The Last Avatar - nothing the wife or I really am interested in. Hmm, maybe I'll start correcting that now, there must be a game on somewhere, it is Sunday after all...

Friday, December 09, 2005

Happy Flippin' Holidays...

I love the holidays, really I do. I just don't like the crowds, and the shopping, and the rudely annoying people, and the traffic and spending money and . Keep in mind, I love my family too, however, if someone really wanted to rent them I'd be game. The rest, well, that'd just be details right?

This year, I've found I'm awful pensive. This is the first year I can't really do 90% of my shopping for the kids at the toy store. I mean, that is the one day I actually enjoy shopping for something other than books. We go into the toy store looking for just the right items for our kids, neices, nephews, friends kids, etc. and I usually have so much fun and go right to the areas which best fit each individual kids personalities. Here is where I get into my element, because in order to personalize each item, I must play with it to verify it will be something the child will want. Now, with all of the kids getting older, they just aren't interested in these things. They want MP3 players, CD's, and generally things I don't want to play with. It is also cutting severely into my cover. People, this must be corrected soon, otherwise I'll just be another weird old dude playing at Toys "R" Us.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Sad Day...

Freddy the pet rat became very ill yesterday. The middle child and I took Freddy in to the vet today to see if there was anything that could be done. Unfortunately, by the time he showed signs of not feeling well and we were able to get him seen, there wasn't much to be done; he had an acute case of pnuemonia, likely brought on by strep throat which would have been picked up earlier in the week. Freddy was put to sleep and brought home to be buried.

The middle child is holding up pretty well, but the whole family is shaken. Freddy was playful and had a wonderful personality which will be missed very much.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Don't get mad, get even...

While we were out and about today, we were listening to Bowling for Soup. Without digressing too far, this is one of the bands the oldest really enjoys, so when it is on, it is usually accompanied - loudly. Today, we were all riding in my truck, which is a tight fit for all five of us. Needless to say, when the singing began, (and the oldest wasn't the only accompanier), it had the effect of drowning out the actual music. I asked repeatedly for the accompaniments to either stop, or at the very least lessen, all to no avail. So, what is a driver a vehicle to do? I turned the radio up and the singing too got louder. I turned the music down, but then only the singing could be heard.

I figured if you can't beat them, join them - so I started dancing. Yes, that's right - full on driver dancing in stopped traffic, surrounded by other Christmas shoppers (who needless to say were laughing their heads off). Did this solve my problem? Not really, but it was fun to see the wife slinking under the dashboard, begging me to stop while the children not only sang louder, but then too joined in on the "groovy dance moves".

Now all I need is a way to market automobile dance lessons.

Joy to the World...

Unless you attempt to take our Christmas tree. To the unnamed lady who had the audacity to pick up our tree while we were looking for another one...I truly am sorry.

Ahh, but let me bring the rest of you up to speed. Today, we went shopping for our Christmas tree. Every year, we do a real tree and since we've been in the south, we've discovered you can only keep a tree in some semblance of life for just about 4 weeks. Also, southern trees are not the same as their northern brethren, so we always get a fir tree since it helps remind us of home and the holidays. Now, because we went home for Turkey Day, we only have 3 weeks left and others who also shop for Christmas trees have already been picking through them.

Unfortunately for everyone, my wife has trouble being satisfied with Christmas trees. Last year, we found what our entire family (including the wife) thought to be the perfect tree. However, the wife thought there might be an "even more perfect" tree hidden somewhere else. While searching for this ideal tree, another family came along and picked up our perfect tree. Irritated, we ended up having to extend our search and head home slightly less satisfied and highly annoyed to start the holiday season.

This year, we were lucky enough to find a beatiful tree early on. When my wife decided to continue searching for the "even more perfect" tree, our family reminded her of the lesson from last year. Completely ignoring us, she forced us all to continue the search. Upon deciding that we had found the perfect tree already, we head back to make our purchase only to see another wife and mother holding our tree up for her family's approval. The audacity of other Christmas tree shoppers. How could she not realize that this perfect tree was reserved for us? Fortunately for us, upon hearing our entire family groan as we begin reliving last year's nightmare, and my wife shouting "our Christmas tree!", the offending lady jumped, threw the tree and ran away.

After many more apologies from myself, I was finally able to explain the situation, we were able to get our tree and hopefully retain peace in the world for the season. I'm not sure however that any of this did anything to lesson the numerous therapy sessions it will take to allow that wonderfully kind lady to be able to shop for a real Christmas tree again. So, what does the wife do after we secure our tree? Yep, you guessed it, she went searching for the "even more perfect" tree again. At this point, I told the children to tackle her and drag her out of the area bodily.

Hmmm, so we've created another fake tree person and one less competitor for our future searches. We also taught the children a most appropriate time to wrestle with your parents. Isn't that a great holiday lesson for the kids?

Monday, November 28, 2005

Make it quick

Driving children to various after school activities can easily drive a parent crazy. "Don't touch me!" "Quit singing!!" "Ewwwww, who farted?" Blah blah blah. I had had enough and promptly informed my kids of this, when my son continued torturing his sister.

Mom: "Now you get to go to bed 30 minutes early"
Son: "Why?"
Mom: "Because you are too far away for me to smack at this moment"

At this point I see my sons head out of the corner of my eye with this comment

Son: "Just please smack me, you can reach now"

I almost had to pull the car off the road I was laughing so hard. Not a great point to make to the kids. Humor will get you out of most things.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Who's Idea?

Who's idea was it to drink? Darn good idea. Drinking is the social lubricant of the world...Can I have some more?

Ahh, truer words may never have been spoken nor a better question asked...

Mother, May I?

Ahhh, holidays are good. Time to spend talking with relatives that you like and that you put up with...

Actually, we're pretty lucky in that we get along very well with all members of both sides of our families, so going home for turkey day wasn't that big of a problem beyond the logistics. Here is a sample of why we like it so much:

Mother-In-Law: Well, we need to get the papers signed for my will and living will and that stuff...
Me: Well, that's a perfect way to bring the party down. "So, in case I end up like the turkey, here's what I want you to do..."
Mother-In-Law:
Me: I have a question...If for some reason you're incapacitated, can I...
Wife: No, you can't flip the switch on her...
Mother-In-Law: (appalled look on face)
Me: No, here's what I wanted...I always wanted to play ER. Do you think, and I mean, I supposed it would work even after she's dead, they'd let me play with the paddles? "We're losing her, clear.... (rubbing paddles) Clear...". I mean, that would just be so much fun...

At this point, I think I was excused from the rest of the conversations which allowed me to just drink without needing to communicate...good times...

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

I hope everyone enjoys the food AND the company!!! Us, we're heading North for this holiday as we haven't spent any time with parts of the wife's family since we moved years ago. So, we're long overdue and are looking to correct that. In the meantime, I leave you with each of my children's wishes from kindergarten and first grade projects forever:

gobl gobl gobl.

P.S. - If anyone has some leftover cheesy taters they'd like to send my way, let me know and I'll see about pickup...

(only 32 more shopping days till Christmas...still need a list from me?)

Monday, November 21, 2005

He's the prettiest!

This is a clarification to my hubbies post on Nov. 11th. Here how it really went!!! He pays a bill way wrong, calls me to report the situation and then proceeds to leave town for the next week to hunt down Bambi, see kin, scratch (secondary to lack of bathing I'm sure), fart, and drink excessively. So.......here I am trying to get one kid to gymnastics and pick another one up from orchestra, and make it to the pediatricians office to intercept a very large check for a very small co-pay! After many trips to and from the bank and pediatricians office (I love office politics) starting on Monday, I finally cleared it all up by Friday. All this while doing my usual mom stuff and working. He owes me big!!! However, I won't give him too much crap on this, simply because I really don't want the bill paying job back! I guess we are all human, just be careful with those zeros when paying bills on-line.

Give a little, get a little...

We've changed the kids chores around in the past few weeks and have been working on helping them learn the new tasks. This morning, I critiqued the youngest's job on a bathroom sink, and the middle child's completion of the toilet cleaning. After pointing out what they each had done wrong and what we expected, I gave each of them a compliment on how well they have been doing and how proud I am of what they've done so far.

Moments later, the wife critiques me on cleaning up my breakfast mess:

Wife: Make sure you get that mess cleaned up...
Me: You know, I don't mind the criticism, but at least I gave the kids complements while critiqueing...
Wife: You are absolutely right. You are a slob who needs to clean up your breakfast mess neatly please. Oh, and it's a good thing you are good...

You know, she's probably lying, but I liked the compliment so well that it did get the kitchen mess cleaned up neatly almost immediately...

Sunday, November 20, 2005

More news from the crew...

The youngest had first sleepover ever this weekend. According to rumor, was up until at least 1:30am and then awoke at 6am. Went to a park to play in the morning and got a goose egg on forehead for the trouble. Came home extremely cranky and crashed at 6:30pm. Good times...

The middle went camping overnight with scouts. Slept in the Georgia cold (nearing 32 degrees F) and was one of the few in long underwear. Went hiking, canoeing, and in general had a great time aside from complaining about having to carry stuff. Most excited about learning how to start own fire. Enrolling in pyromaniacs anonymous as we speak...

So, you haven't missed much, but I'm sure I'll start pulling some more gems out as time goes on this week.

Returned from the backwoods...

It's good to be returned from the backwoods, eh? (Sorry, still trying to lose the accent...) Anyway, turns out Bambi wasn't quite as protected as I thought. He showed up this year with an 8 point rack and forced me to have to buy him a plane ticket home. Fortunately, they were very receptive at the airport bar...

Anyway, it was a good time at the hunting camp this year. There were only 7 of us as some people weren't able to make it this year (Mike, Jeff, Nate - you were missed). I got to see some friends I haven't seen for ages, along with their kids. Kinda fun thinking about the last time I'd seen them being when we were playing army dodge ball one summer...wow, time does fly. Best of all, we had a good time enjoying each others company and seeing lots of our relatives up there.

Camp hunting run down:

Cousin Lynn shot an 8 point out of Dad's Tin Shack North (AKA Taj Mahal due to the heater, windows and wall to wall carpeting)
Cousin Troy shot a "4, 6 or 8 point" (nothing like hedging your bet) from Jeff Bartz's blind just Northeast of the Taj Mahal
Uncle Larry missed a large antlered deer due east of the Taj Mahal
Uncle Bud shot a large 6 point in his blind to the southwest of the Taj Mahal (borderlining our property and state land)
I shot a nice 8 point from the Taj Mahal

Other notables:

Dad saw (but couldn't shoot at) my buck and the one Uncle Larry missed, so we still think there is a large buck in the woods.
Troy's deer was the largest he's ever shot.

A good time was had by all and this is likely the largest collection of deer we've shot for a long while. Along with these, several spikes and 4 points were passed on. So, now it is back to life and technology for another year.

Friday, November 11, 2005

He's sooo pretty...

I pay all of my bills through my bank online. This is good because I have no checks and need no stamps to pay my bills. It also is very fast. There was this bill this month however, which for some reason I knew I shouldn't pay but I did anyway. Today, I found out that either I screwed up or the bank software, for the first time ever screwed up. The bill I shouldn't have paid, got paid, but with a factor of 10 or two over. Yep, I'm so pretty....

In the meantime, I'm taking this as a sign that it is time for me to leave technology behind, so as of tomorrow I will become stone age equivalent. I will be out in the woods with no water, no electricity and most importantly, no cell phone. So, while I'll miss blogging and staying current with my fantasy hockey league and my wife will be cursing me for the major techno screwup, I'll be communing with nature or drinking very heavily in preparation for communing with nature...

See you in a week!

Now we're cooking with gas...

Ahhh, it is good to have a grill. For those of you that know me, you know I love to grill. A few years ago, my family bought me a big Jenn-Air grill so I could cook our entire families food (and even guests at times) without having to do it in shifts. Unfortunately, about 4 months ago, we started having problems and needed to have warrantied parts replaced. Well, without getting in to that drama, it took considerably longer to get everything here that I needed. Finally, the day came when all of the parts were here and I finally had time to fix everything.

This not only includes the broken parts, but it was time to fully hard line the natural gas (prior to this I was using tubing that leaked horribly, forcing us to have to go downstairs, drag the ladder outside, climb the ladder to turn on/off the gas for the grill - not fun). So, if you didn't already know, I'm happy doing lots of things on my own - plumbing and gas lines are not typically part of that list though. This time, I had no choice as I had to solder serveral parts. So, with few troubles (suffice to say that I too am pretty), I finally got the whole thing done. Now, I again have a nice, big, new grill. No ladders, no leaks; now pass me some ribs...

It is the little things in life...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

On the search for Panthers...

Since the story broke about the two Carolina Panther cheerleaders and their wonderfully unique bar hopping habits, I've been trying to track down their cheerleader bios just for fun. Not an easy task given the amount of hits the Carolina Panther servers were taking. I did eventually find them late last night (after the webmaster had pulled them out of the standard lists). Feeling confident that I'd be able to get back to the pages without incident, I went to bed. Alas, the webmaster came back this morning and deleted/renamed/moved the pages. Hmm, shoulda/woulda/coulda saved the pages offline.

Dagnabbit... ;)

Update: I knew somebody would have grabbed what I was looking for...

Monday, November 07, 2005

Heading to the great white north...

So, it is time for the yearly pilgrammage back home to drink, visit relatives, drink, freeze my behind off in the woods, drink, shoot guns, drink...in general, prove to ourselves we are manly men (if only for a week). Yep, time for deer season. I think I might even take a gun with me this year...hmm, nope. It's good meat, but it sure isn't worth the plane ticket to get the dang thing home. I guess it'll be another year of just killing brain cells...

Alas, Bambi is safe from me for yet another year.

Words of Wisdom...

Neighbor: Ummm....(THWAP!!!) You had a Daddy Long Legs on you...

Oldest: Are you sure you're OK to drive? You've been drinking quite a bit and you're getting kind of silly...
Mom: That's why we brought Daddy...

Middle: And we're going camping, and all. And while we're there, we're gonna carve sticks and all. And then, we're gonna sleep outside if the weather is nice...
Me: And all.
Middle: Dad, please stop, that is not what I sounded like
Youngest: And all...
Middle: Ugggh. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE STARTED. I JUST DON'T NEED THIS!!!
Youngest and Me: And All...(Yep, gonna get in trouble for that one)

Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween!!!!

Happy Halloween to all the goblins and ghouls, witches and warlocks! I hope everyone has a fun, safe time.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Bedroom moaning...

Pervert. Get your mind out of the gutter...

The children have been having trouble adjusting to real life since our vacation. Here's an example:

The wife and I usually wake the children up nicely, with one taking one child and the other another (oldest doesn't get up until later in the morning). This morning, I had the joy of waking up both. Not really a problem, but it will illustrate what the kids have been going through.

Me: Sweetie, time to get up...
Middle: Unnnnh.
Me: (with a slight shake) Sweeeeetie, time to get uuuuuppp.
Middle: GRRRRRRRR. I AM UP. NOW LEAVE
Me: Good morning. Glad to have you awake...
Middle: Yeah, whatever.

Me: Honey, time to wake up.
Youngest: NO!!!
Me: Do I need to sing, tickle or turn the lights on? Pick two...
Youngest: LEAVE!!!

So, at this point I left them both alone since they were talking and reacting. I did check back a little later. At that point, the middle child's light is on, so I know that one seems to be moving. The other child - dark room and no sound. Here is what happens next...

Me: (Going to the door, seeing no movement I turn on the light to see what is going on)
Youngest: Unnnnh.
Me: (Turn light off)
*crickets*
Me: (Turn light on)
Youngest: Unnnnh.
Me: (Turn light off)
*crickets*
Me: (Turn light on)
Youngest: Unnnnh.
Me: (Turn light off)
*crickets*
Mom: What is wrong? What's going on? Why are you whining?
Me: Sorry, that was me. The youngest's light was dark so I turned it on to see what was going on only to see the child nude in the middle of the dark room. The moaning was caused by the light. I found it amusing so I kept turning it off and on. Really isn't helping the situation, but it sure is fun.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Goodbye Ms. Parks...

Rosa Parks was a lot of things to a lot of people. To me, she was just a tired person who got notariety for taking a seat. This is not to downplay the significance of this act at a crucial time in the continued development of our country, but to point out that if she hadn't been so tired, she wouldn't have taken that seat. In all the time from that day to this, Ms. Parks has carried herself with unquestioned dignity and applomb. She gained fame and respect for taking a seat. She earned, even demanded, respect for being a great person. She was a person that people of all colors, races, creeds could look to and respect as a smart and dignified person. She was someone we all could and should have learned from. She is a hero for many reasons to many people, and the least of which is because she took a seat on a bus when she was tired. She will be missed.

It's COLD!!!!

Umm, I know I'm supposed to live in a warm state, but something has happened.

Currently, I'm sitting on my couch wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and a winter jacket I couldn't wear in Michigan because it was always too warm - and I'M STILL COLD. I think I've officially become a southerner...that, or maybe I just can't bring myself to turn on the heat...

At least when I get the chance to go out and get some wood I *finally* have an actual reason for a fire...

This is news?

Why is it still a major story that someone is gay? What does sexual orientation have to do with talents? Sheryl Swoopes, one of the most decorated and talented WNBA stars has taken the path less travelled and announced she is lesbian. This is risky, even though she is the reigning MVP in her sport. If you question this, look at Sue Wicks. Wicks is another very talented WNBA star who hasn't really been allowed to play since her team won back to back championships; coincidentally after making the same announcement.

This is not news people. People in all walks of life are homosexual, including sports (surprise, surprise). Please stop ostricizing talented people for something that shouldn't matter to you. I applaud Sheryl for the courage it must have taken to risk a lucrative livelyhood by making such an announcement. Let's support the decision so that others don't have to worry about even needing to make such an announcement that has no bearing on anything or anyone but themselves.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

We're back...

We're back and while we did see many different characters, Donald didn't explain his pantless excursions nor did Goofy exlpain his origins (likely because no alcohol is served in the Magic Kingdom).

We did have a ball and pictures are posted on flickr for friends and family (don't get jerky if you don't have the address, just contact me and I'll forward the info you need).

In the meantime, I thought I'd leave you with some highlight notes:

Times we rode different rides:

Oldest Middle Youngest
Space Mountain 7 7 7
Rockn Roller Coaster 6 0 0
Tower of Terror 5 1 0
Splash Mountain 6 6 0
Big Thunder Mountain 4 4 6
Star Tours 1 1 3
Pirates of the Carribean 1 1 4
It's a Small World 1 1 1

Oh yeah, and the youngest has decided to blend in to the redneck world by breaking a permanent tooth in half. Immediate comment afterward - "Can I have a gold or silver one?" Good times.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

We have our official redneck games invitation...

On the way to our tourist destination, the following occurs:

Middle: Mom, Dad, how do you spell "Wahl"?
Wife: Wahl? I'm not sure, can you use it in a sentence?
Middle: Wahl you were down there...
Wife: Umm, that would be w-h-i-l-e and the correct pronunciation is while, as in "While you were down there"
Me: Yep, that there means we might could get our redneck games invite soon.
Wife: Oh, we got 'er fur sure.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Robin's Cape Tried to Escape...

Robin's cape, it tried to escape.
It was worn all over, but was made for the nape.

But at the neck it no longer was,
when bathtime finished, and mainly because -

Batman fought Mr. Freeze
while Robin tried to avoid the cool breeze.

But Robin caught chill
due to his cape being nill.

We looked for his cape, and it could not be found.
(At least not with the child around).

It took a year,
and after many chemicals it became clear
there was definitely something else going on here.

The tub continued to back up,
from the faucet or from a cup.

Finally, the wife, she plunged.
Eventually, the problem was expunged.

The cape it was found
and to the garbage it was bound.

It was torn, it was dirty. Smelly, musty and definitely not dry.
But did that help the child not cry?
Of course not, and what else could go awry?

It wasn't for the cape the child did mourn,
but rather that Louis Lane might continue to be forlorn.

Gone Goofy...

The party line is: "We are taking the children to enjoy the experience that is the Magic Kingdom".

The reality is the wife wants to know how Snow White can put up with 7 vertically challenged males while I want to sit down with my buddy Goofy, feeding him Tequila, until he answers the two questions plaguing mankind for decades: whether or not he's a talking dog and why Donald doesn't wear pants (subquestion being why he wears a towel after showering though).

So, we've gone Goofy (or at least more so than normal). We're scheduled to return, but I could go for one of those enchantment thingies right about now, especially if it involves Princess Wife. The kids might enjoy it, but really, this shouldn't be all about them...

Monday, October 10, 2005

The next Lance Armstrong...

Yes, that's right. I have spotted the next Lance Armstrong. He came complete with racing helmet, yellow racing jersey, butt padded but otherwise skin tight bike racing trunks, super grip bicycle shoes and gloves (all matching) and let's not forget - a lightweight yet sleek bicycle.

The only problems I saw keeping him from making it into Paris first?

1) Socks didn't match. - and you know with that much media attention, the french won't let a US biker slide on a fashion faux paux such as this.

2) He was riding a train at the time. - somehow I just can't see Lance jumping on a mid-town train, bike, half filled water bottle and all, in the middle of a training workout. This could just be me though.

3) Checking voicemail on his blackberry. - but maybe this was the reason for the train?

4) The extra 75+ pounds poured into the even ordinarily skin tight outfit? - Oh, yeah, that WAS the reason for catching the mid-town train and checking voice mail instead of finishing the training.

One last thing Mr. Train Riding Bicycler - next time put some shorts on over the outfit please? Maybe even some less displaying outfit like Speedos or something. There were children on the train. Not a good look at all training or no training.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Big Words...

In case you haven't noticed, I have a propensity for using large words. Well, it caught up with the middle child today.

Me: (to youngest) You know, the punishment I commuted earlier can just as easily be reinstated...
Middle: Dad, why do you use big words all the time? Do you really think we know what that means?
Me: Well, what did I just say?
Middle: Well, you just said that if the youngest keeps talking, you'll give him the punishment you were going to give out earlier.
Me: Exactly. I thought you didn't understand me? Maybe next time you shouldn't pipe up unless something isn't clear, and then I'll give you a punishment, like assigning you to figure it out...
Middle: Unnnh. Why do I do that?

Lunchtime laughs...

While eating lunch today, everyone was getting silly. The kids all decided I was acting like a mime and so began practicing themselves when the following happens:

Oldest: (Trying to do the invisible box, moves hands until looking at the youngest, then flicks youngest in the arm)
Youngest: (Begins attempting to do the same, then punches oldest lightly)
Oldest: (Begins preparing to pounce the youngest)
Me: Don't flick or hit the youngest again or you WILL be in trouble...
Oldest: Is that just for today?

But she's pretty...

While trying to unclog her hairspray this morning, the wife pointed it to where she could see it and pushed. Luckily it missed her eyes, but her rejoinder was that she likes the taste.

Yep, she's still pretty...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Thank you...

Hi everyone. I just wanted to drop a note about what I consider to be a milestone. Seems that while I've been busy writing stories about my family and our day to day lives, mainly to document my thoughts and feelings for the kids, other people are getting interested.

I'm fairly astounded, but readership on this blog has gone from me, to well, quite a few. It seems that the last couple months there has been a sustained unique readership over 200 people and we're well on the way to that again this month. Not quite star status, but amazing to me that so many different people are interested in the day to day adventures of my youngest schizophrenic, type A middle child, the wild one oldest and their lame old parents.

So, thanks for tuning in, and hopefully we'll be able to pull out a few nuggets to keep you interested.

Pics...


Kirk Maltby after being a bad boy.


Picture from the game last week. Welcome back guys!

I need a vacation...

When I've been travelling for work, it is quite a bit harder on the wife and I'm afraid I'm not much help. See, I've missed beating the children, so I must spend time torturing them when I get back. For this reason, the wife has begun to refer to me as her fourth child and has also started requesting a vacation for some reason (well, at least she isn't re-enacting that old Calgon commercial).

So, while the oldest is putting away dishes, I begin torturing a bit and the following occurs:

Oldest: Ow. (tried to kick me and kicked the cabinet instead)
Wife: I have four children. Not three. Four.
Oldest: Yeah, well, I'm going to get even with him...
Wife: Uhhh. I need a vacation
Oldest: Yep, and I NEED a drink

I'm guessing the wife has had other new sayings this week too. She should be out of rehab in just a few more weeks. We all wish her well and hope she enjoys the kind of vacation which brings about withdrawals.

Not gone 5 minutes...

It was funny this week. I was travelling and one of our neighbors needed a place to put a car for a while. My wife agreed to let him put the car in our driveway, but the children didn't like it at all...

Oldest: Who's car is that?
Wife: Oh, that's Jordo's. He's just parking it there for a little bit.
Oldest: (Indignantly) Mom, Dad hasn't been gone even a day yet and you are having other people over? How does that look? I'm going to tell Dad that as soon as he leaves you have other guys over...

Right about here the beatings began...The oldest should be home soon...but the marriage is just fine.

The joys of travel...

I spent this week in the city of St. Louis. All in all, there really isn't much to do there, but I was able to catch the Red Wings live while there. I ended up with tickets at the glass on the blue line and enjoyed it thoroughly. Only thing which could have made it better was to have had the game go in to overtime and be decided (in the Wings favor of course) by a shootout. Alas, it didn't happen, but the Wings
did win and the wife will be complaining for a good long time about how I've ditched her with 3 children so I could go watch the game. I do so like it when she's jealous like that...

I have to admit however, that another big highlight of the week was the airplane ride home. It isn't often that you get a flight attendant who can actually have a good time and help you to relax.

Favorite lines from the ride:

FA: (while banging head on the luggage carrier) I know you all appeared to be a bright group, but FCC regulations require that I inform you the door you just came through is NOT the lavatory - there are people who try to use that door for that purpose in mid flight; please don't be one of them...

FA: It gets better when I have to show 60 adults how to use a seat belt...

FA: This is not the 747 I'm used to (actually, little island hopper jet), but it drives me nuts when I have to ask those people "Chicken or Beef" and they return with "How's the beef cooked?". My response: by a big guy with a hairnet. It really isn't that big a choice. Then they ask, "Well, should the beef go with a red wine or white?" and again, I have to say, you know, the wine isn't going to change the taste of the meat - so will it be chicken or beef? If they ask more after that, then I have to point out it doesn't matter as they both taste the same anyway...

FA: (Grabs the guys in the first two seats of the cabin) On this flight, you are my first class passengers. I know your seats don't appear any different and you really won't get any different service, but I've got a curtain we'll pull around you and you can be special. That's all they'll allow me to do, so don't ask for more. Hang on, I've got to go deal with the lowlifes...(takes one step and addresses the lady in the third seat) How can I help my favorite coach passenger?

FA: (After starting the FCC mandated recording) She talks too slow through this part. (Patiently waiting to display how to use the seat belt, complete with eyes crossed and tongue hanging out...when it gets to the part, misses the belt buckle...twice. Finally gets it, then backs up two steps and states he must also show the first class passengers...)

Next comes the oxygen mask bit. While displaying, the recording states to remember to breath normally to which he chuckles and adds "Yeah, breath normally, like everyone wouldn't be hyperventillating because of the situation which forces the masks out...that part always cracks me up."

FA: Recording finishes and he walks through the cabin complaining - "You know, I just want to light a match under her, she does that so slowly. And then too, she does it just the same at 5:00am, just too perky. But the thing that really gets me? She never uses my name, it's always just "Flight Attendant this" and "Flight
Attendant that". That's really irritating because she knows my name is John".

FA: When the pilots address the passengers, they are sure to say "John will prepare the cabin for departure now" and John gleefully points out that THEY can get his name right.

FA: (Upon landing) I want to thank all of our passengers on this flight. I also want to remind you to watch your head as you exit the plane. I can tell you from experience (starts rubbing his head) that the doorway IS lower than the ceiling as you exit. Trust me.


So, after a busy work week, it is nice to have a surprise and have a fun and funny person like that to deal with. It might also be funnier since most of the passengers on the plane were business travellers and didn't listen to any of it. I just hope he doesn't play cards too often because he clearly doesn't always play with a full deck...

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Confused...

While eating italian (spaghetti), the kids were using asian utensils (chopsticks). Yep, definitely confused. At least they'll have some reason for attending therapy later in life.

Add to all of this, I bust out with a rendition of "Chances are", which ends up like this:

Me: Chances are...
Youngest: You are bizarre

Yep, these are the reasons parents work so hard to put the kids in therapy.

Sibling love...

Oldest: I'm gonna smack you upside the head...
Youngest (without missing a beat): I'm gonna run up you with my cleats on...

Monday, September 26, 2005

Paint 'em green...

My youngest does not like green beans, but each time they are served must eat a few. Tonight, we had noodles and green beans for dinner. We also happened to be talking about getting the kids vision checked when the following exchange happens:

Me: You know, my vision is getting bad and I didn't see you eat your three green beans...
Youngest: Well, I did.
Me: Yeah, but I didn't see it, so you'll need to do it again...
Youngest: (Pointing to the noodles) See, here's a bean. (Proceeds to eat it while making a scrunchy face)
Me: I might not be able to see that well, but that was a noodle just based on color
Youngest: (Whispering to Mom) How can we paint these green?

Casual Conversation...

We went over to a friends house for a barbeque yesterday. While there, I asked whether or not she had any cards. Her response:

-I have cards, but I know I'm short of a full deck.

For those of you that know me, you realize how this little inoccuous comment provided me with lots of entertainment for the rest of the evening.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Thank you soo much Mr. Governor...

Our governor cancelled the next two days of the children's school due to an expected gas shortage after Rita hits...gee, thanks Mr. Governor.

Chopped Liver...

Youngest: There is no one to play with...
Me: Well, do you want to play soccer?
Youngest (whining): No! I want to play with a friend...
Me (tickle torturing): So what's that supposed to mean? I'm not your friend?
Youngest: Nope. You're chopped liver actually...
Me: (Beating the child within inches of life)

New Shows...

Just had to point out a couple of things about the new TV season and some new shows:

-Lost still rocks

-Everybody Hates Chris is truly edgy and hilarious. We'll see if they can keep it up, but for now, it is the funniest show I've seen in a long time

-Love, Inc., which appears right after Chris, is another bright and amusing show. I've always liked Holly Robinson-Peete, but it is the other girl who steals the show. Part of the charm might be that this girl reminds me in features, mannerisms and even some of the caustic comments and deliveries of KellBell aka Fronda (and soon to be newly crowned Denise). For me, that is just the finishing touch on the overall humor.

All hail the queen...

Those who know me know I love my puppy to death...however, death may come for her sooner rather than later.

Recent behavior issues:

-Jumping and scratching at the door to get in/out
-Snarfing food accidentally dropped without permission
-Yowling in the morning and evening for food (sometimes hours before time)
-Begging while other family members are eating snacks

Now, I realize that my family (including myself at times) reinforces these behaviors, but one recent happening really got to me and caused me to go nuts about all of these behaviors, all at the same time and her cuteness factor is all that is keeping her around right now.

Here is what happened:

The queen goes outdoors to use the facilities, finds another dog has been using her accomodations. Instead of smartly remarking her territory with her own leavings and to send the appropriate message to this other neighbor that the place is taken now and always, what does she do? Nope, doesn't perform Lassie barks to tell me to guard her area either. Nope, my brain child of a dog decides the best course of action is to camouflage herself WITH THE OTHER DOG'S POOP. Now, I don't know if she was planning to ambush this neighborhood mongrel or what, but she brought it in to the house, paraded around and then was left in total wonderment when I blew up after realizing what she had done. It is entirely possible that there many need to be a new queen if this keeps up...

How ironic that my dog, has built and will be shortly living in her own doghouse due to these wonderful behaviors.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Really?

Middle Child: Daddy, you're a freak.
Wife: Yeah, but we love this freak.
Middle Child: Really?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Breakfast with the crew...

Every morning my wife gets up, gets ready and then makes the kids lunches. Every morning I help get the kids up, then go downstairs to check email and wait for the kids to come to breakfast. The two youngest arrive and the wife and I will get their breakfast and begin talking and joking to start the day off. Today, I offered to meet my wife for lunch since it looks like I'll have a fairly easy work day. She declines saying she doesn't want me to have to drive all that way. This begins a short tussle between the two of us where we start picking on each other and then start slapping each others arms playfully like we are really getting annoyed with one another (yes, we are still young teens at heart). So, while all of this starts to break out this morning the children begin chanting:

"Fight, fight, fight, fight..."

There are worse ways to starting a day off than with a laugh.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Gotta Love 'Em...

Cause it is against the law to physically hurt them...

Sitting at dinner tonight, I wanted to have a quick but serious discussion with the kids. Unfortunately, I was having trouble bringing order to the silly crew. In a last ditch attempt to get everyone's attention, I raise my voice above the foolish cacaphony and say "All right, stop, drop and use your ears!!!". At this point, everyone, including the wife actually decided to listen (a first for me); they all jumped off of their chairs, dropped to the floor and grabbed their ears to better adjust them for hearing. Unfortunately, our uproarious laughter kept me from being able to begin the discussion.

At this point, I guess I have to point out that I am just too pretty. I forgot the simple rule to be careful what I was asking for, as I might just get it.

Today's Technology...

Me: Hello?
Sister: Umm, Hi. Did I call you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you...
Me: Umm, I feel the love. How are you?
Sister: Good, but I was trying to reach my husband. I don't have his number programmed into my phone and it must have dialed you accidentally...
Me: Yep, everything is fine here. I realize you didn't want to talk to me but...
Sister: Yeah, I've got to call my husband. Bye!
Me: Bye!

Welcome to today's technology! When else could you make a minor mistake, causing you to call someone in another state and have it end up on the internet in about 20 minutes for other people to laugh at? Technology - making things (you didn't want) happen...

More Katrina...

I know many people have started to try and put Katrina behind. Fortunately, we are pretty close and can see and hear things being done to help. A radio station nearby put on a "Student Support Project" for all of the new student enrollees in Georgia from Katrina so those kids could have school bags and supplies as well as some new clothes and things to help ease the transition. Turned out pretty well and I'm proud to say that our family was able to get involved.

A new kid fresh from New Orleans just joined the youngest soccer team, so I know there is still more to do. In talking with them (a mother and her 3 kids), they have a car and the clothes on their backs right now. They have a house (still under water) and a car still in New Orleans. They've pretty much lost everything but each other. So, there's more to do, since we all know they aren't the only ones.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear Dubya took responsibility for the overall response (or lack thereof) to Katrina. I think it is a very impressive step; when was the last time you heard a President (or any politician) take responsibility for something going wrong? I realize that he wasn't the one making the decisions, but he put those people there and ultimately, he is the leader and the final person responsible for the good or the bad.

Speaking of the people making the decisions on the ground, I was ecstatic to hear that Michael Brown resigned. Definitely read the article - it is an eye opener. I tried to give the guy some latitude, but as things progressed, nothing was happening to help the people.

Lastly, there is a cameraman who has been blogging about things happening in New Orleans - sights, sounds, whatever. His first post details what was happening last week, shortly after arriving. His second post helps give some insight as to what is happening now. Both give you a pretty clear idea of the devastation that was brought on that region. It helps to realize that we are all very lucky and to appreciate the important things in life - family, friends, health and happiness.

Now, with things shifting to stabilizing and rebuilding, any further Katrina news from me will likely be much more upbeat, but I did want to pass these things along.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Remembering 9/11

It was a tragic day, and I hope everyone took a few minutes to remember thoughts and feelings from that day. This was a horrible day for most Americans. This day of fear, uncertainty and worry hopefully never comes again. It is important to remember that this day is why we are committing young men and women into Afghanistan. It is also why we have soldiers in Iraq.

Whether you believe in what the President is doing in Iraq or not, don't forget to thank a soldier/vet/policeman/fireman for all they do for all the rest of us. They get little enough in the way of pay or appreciation. I for one think this should change, but we all must realize that change takes time and in the meantime, these wonderful people are doing all they can for the rest of us. Remember the victims today, but don't forget the heroes - including those proving themselves today.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

Yep, it's that time of year again. I must say, I have a great family and it really is fun getting older with my wife. She makes me laugh (with things like the previous post) and she and the kids keep me feeling young. Still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but, hey, isn't that the fun in life?

Happy Birthday baby!

Happy Birthday hubby. Today you are 33. He was complaining all week about being old, but I beg to differ. AARP hasn't sent us one thing yet. And you don't need reading glasses. It's been a long time since you've used a cane. We won't mention the knee brace, wrist braces, and ankle brace....shhhhh.....it'll be our little secret. I think you are still young and sexy. Just remember you're still 4 months and 20 days older than me :) But seriously, you are the best and I wouldn't trade you for the world. If I had to choose a hubby all over again, I'd choose you! xoxoxoxoxox love your wife

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Feeling Misinformed?

I've been doing some more reading on Katrina and the fallout. I've been reading the differences between the "official" version from our government or FEMA officials, and what the various people on the ground (New Orleans mayor, victims, reporters) have been saying at or about the same time. Here's the link to the CNN report. For me, it just doesn't bode well when this many people who are supposed to be in charge of the situation are getting things so far wrong.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Unacceptable...

Another blogger has managed to capture some of my frustration here. Again, I want to point out that I believe the FEMA director was not directing the referred comments to those in the Superdome and Civic center who could not leave, but on the other residents who made the conscious decision to stay even though the New Orleans mayor called for an unequivocal evacuation of the city BEFORE Katrina hit. If this order had been followed, FEMA's job would be more limited to working to help those who couldn't leave the city and those who were thought to be outside of the immediate danger zone. Alas, hindsight is always 20/20 and if the storm had not been even more devestating than predicted, everyone would have been laughing at the over reaction.

So where do we stand? We have a government which has been very lax in responding to this catastrophy. Unacceptable. This is the same government which has decided to go to war in several parts of the world on the premise that their THEORY for building democracy in a region rich with historical precedence will work. Unacceptable. Why do we continue to make these same mistakes? Unacceptable.

I admit, I feel we are in Afganistan because we needed to be. I admit, I have felt since the first Gulf War that we would need to go back to finish the job, but I never felt that it was necessary to be there at the time our government committed us there. We weren't done in Afganistan; North Korea was (and still is) a bigger threat with their admitted building of weapons of mass destruction. Our troops are committed to an initiative fighting insurgents in a country that really doesn't want us there as a whole. The world is watching and we are failing - again. Unacceptable. If there is one thing I agree with our President about, it is that we are committed to this course of action now and that our troops are doing an admirable job. Unfortunately if feels as if they have constraints limiting what they can do in an effort to win a war that our government started and this is unacceptable. Our troops deserve better and we should have learned. Unacceptable.

Iraq must be brought under control and secured. Their new government and forces must be given the time to mature and learn. There can be no half measures. The people in Louisianna and Mississippi need help and support. They too need to have help getting the situation under control and secured. In this situation, there too can be no half measures. Anything less on either front is criminal and unacceptable at this point.

Katrina Thoughts...

I realize this post is coming very late in the game, but I am still shocked over the complete devestation which has struck Louisiana and Mississippi. It has understandably become a complete loss of civilization and I've been trying to think of what would/could change things. I find it difficult to blame the people in the thick of it, or to fault the FEMA workers who are trying to help. The FEMA director's comments are being misconstrued IMHO. I understand his frustration that so many people who could have left the affected areas decided to try to ride it out which has made his job so much harder. On the other hand, some of this is human nature and it happens with every catastrophic even of this nature. Even if they had followed direction though, no one could have predicted this much devastation and there was truly no way to prepare for it.

My thoughts go out to those still needing help. Excuses are not needed - action is.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

How to know when you've become over technologized...

First sign: You keep ripping the hands free ear piece for your cell phone off of your head because the wire gets caught on various inanimate objects around the house as you are working on your laptop (wirelessly), while listening to music on the internet, watching ESPN and taking a meeting with and client and your wife on the other line and someone else altogether on the land line.

Hmmmm, maybe it's just time for a new wireless blue tooth headset and other corresponding toys to take this setup on the road...

What we have here is a failure to communicate...

My wife occassionally goes through bouts where her iron count in her blood gets low. This invariably causes her to be extremely tired, therein making her a tad bit irritable (honest honey, we hardly notice...).

Anyway, this happened recently and she decided she should go and get some iron supplements. I tag along to keep her company. We walk in to the drug store, where an employee overhears our discussion and tries to be helpful, resulting in the following exchange:

Emp: You're looking for iron? It's here in isle 6.
Me: Did you hear that honey? It's in isle 6.
Wife: Where in isle 6? I don't see it.
Emp: It's right here; you just walked past it.

At this point, my wife turns around and heads to where the employee is indicating. Her eyes pick up what he thinks she wants and...

...Queue western street shootout music...

Wife (with nastier look than Clint Eastwood in "Hang 'Em High"): NOT THE CLOTHES IRON.

Truly, no good deed goes unpunished. The employee should be getting out of the hospital in the next few days.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

You know you're a good teacher when...

You know you're a good teacher when one of your students rave over your stereo and then one of them pulls up beside you in traffic and you start pimping the ride...

My new phobia...

Prositutue Phobia. Maybe you have it too? This is a fear of prostitutes. Follow the link above to my new favorite phobia!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Like Father, Like Child...

While sitting at lunch discussing excercises (as I'm trying to lose the twins I've been carrying this year), my wife and I have the following discussion:

Me: I'm liking those excercises where you do crunches on the ball...
Wife: Oooh, yeah, I like those a lot; you can't cheat at them...
Me: Sure you can; I'm very good at it.


And while talking to the oldest about meeting some friends at a different house:

Me: So how do you know where to go?
Oldest: It's the house that has the truck with the different state license plate.
Me: What are you going to do if the truck isn't there?
Oldest: Then I'm in trouble I guess; good thing it's always there...

Yep, that's my child...

Timing of learned things...

On another fine note, KellBell made another post on the girls annual camping trip here which is of note. In this she states several things the girls learned on this years rough experience. Here's my thoughts:

1. Drinking liquor gets you drunk a lot faster than beer. A lesson learned for all future trips.
Me: Most people learn this valuable lesson about the time they start drinking. For some, it is illegally at about 17, while others wait until sometime in their college years. Kegs stands are fun, but as the saying goes, "Liquor is quicker".

2. Getting drunk before noon is only entertaining for some. And as quoted by Bean..."I've heard alcohol impairs your judgement."
Me: This truly depends on where you are standing. If you are the individual getting drunk before noon and not being entertained, then you are the entertainment. If on the other hand, if you are the sober one while others are enjoying the entertainment, then you are the object the entertainment (or drunkard) is focused on. This means you need to either relax and put the focus back on the entertainment or you need to drink more, whichever is easier.

3. Making new friends by calling the wrong cell phone number is a lot of fun! We had an exciting weekend with Chuck over the phone. :)
Me: Ummmm, I'm still trying to figure out why my wife was continually texting a total stranger - while sober even.

4. Four drunk girls changing clothes in one room...not as hot as you'd think.
Me: Send the (explicit) pictures and we'll be the judge. ;)

5. Drunk people should avoid playground equipment. It can be very hazardous and also swings can cause motion sickness. :)
Me: And as we have begun, so we must end. This is again another novel lesson learned at the beginning of the drinking career. Usually ends with someone using the swing to support themselves as they recall what they had for breakfast 3 weeks ago.

And the blog wars have begun...

Not exactly sure why I feel the need to defend my post, but a short while ago I wrote this. In response, one of the girls wrote this.

Now, I agree that they didn't have all the perks and compensations of what most people would consider a nice vacation. However, this trip was never planned on being a vacation. It was cheap entertainment to get the girls together and have some fun. This years' little jaunt however, was not exactly the vision this trip began with. There was electricity, there was air conditioning, there was shopping. Again, not the Ritz, but when you can sit comfortably cool playing cards and drinking alcohol in the middle of a drop down rainstorm, it is not exactly roughing it either.

UPDATE: If I heard correctly, next year's trip isn't supposed to be camping. Not sure if it's a result of the lack of some of the rough edges on this year's trip or not, but let me start by wishing you all lots of luck and clean fun in Vegas next year!!!

The Best

I just returned from my annual girls weekend in MI, as you may have seen my hubbys earlier blog. It is my favorite weekend of every year. Just us 4 girls relaxing, drinking (in case you missed that from my hubby), eating way too much crap, and just catching up on life. As we all get older (ouch, sorry) and life situations change, you just don't have enough time to chit chat with eachother or go out with eachother like we used to. So this is very important to us. It is never a long enough time together, I always find myself wishing we could hang out a few more days.....however, 2 days "roughing it" is plenty....hey, we're still girls. I am still laughing as I sit here and think of all the things said/done through out the weekend. I have found, that we all have our strengths and weaknesses as I am sure all of us have found out and I think we work together quite well. I am still being teased about bringing a papertowel holder camping....just call me Martha. And Bean goes to the bottom of Ohio instead of the Cincinati area......and we are all great at saying some stupid things, especially when imbibing. This year we all took notes on the crazy stuff that we say.....thanks Bean for taking such good notes! We all got shirts and put the 3 funniest quote from each of us on the shirt. With plans of adding more. Here is a snippet of the quotes....I won't tell you who said them, only we can know this. "I'm becoming not in shape to drive you to food" "Be careful-it almost went in my mouth" "I have a problem with beef juice" and I've had worse things on my ass (than dorito cheese)" Not one of these is sexual and for those of you thinking that way.....Guess you had to be there to get the full effect. We know how dang funny we are. Ladies, thank you for such a great weekend.....You are all fabulous women and great friends....I miss you already. Love ya Can't wait until next year.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Roughing it...

As I stated in the previous post, my wife is on her annual "roughing it" camping trip with the girls. Usually, this consists of drinking, tents, trees, drinking, no running water, no electricity, tubing on a river which is also used to keep the drinks cold (for drinking).

This year? This year the girls decided they needed a change of pace. While the place is not the Ritz, it sure is a far cry from roughing it. They've got electricity and air conditioning in a nice cabin. They are close enough to civilization that my wife has been able to text me about 6 times per day while she's been away. Not that I mind, but I do find it very amusing that she's gone all that way to get away from me and the kids, yet is sending me messages on a regular basis.

The other amusing thing which has happened so far? Well, ever since we moved away, my wife needs to fly in order to meet the friends for this trip. This year, the airline she's on decides to have a mechanic strike on the very weekend of her trip. So, her flight out was cancelled prior to her leaving in order to prepare for the strike. While this isn't the amusing part, the fact that she tried calling her friend who was to pick her up from the airport and got Chuck, that's where things start to get funny. Chuck seems to be the man who got this cell phone number where her friend switched companies (I'm thinking it must have been before portable numbers). Anyway, Chuck politely told my wife her friend didn't have this number anymore and probably thought little more about it. In the meantime, I got in touch with her ride AND got the right cell phone number - all is right in the world.

Ah, if that only worked with my wife...See, she was rescheduled with a very early flight out the next day...probably too little coffee, but she started text messaging Chuck to tell her she was in town. Multiple times.

Chuck, instead of getting upset, I mean, here is a beautiful woman calling him all the time, informing him she's on her way to meet other beautiful women (so what if three of them are taken) - why get upset? As it stands now, we think the single girl and Chuck are going to meet up some time. With my wife's track record of getting people together with good stories, everyone should wish the happy couple well...and keep in mind, this is what comes from "roughing it".

Friday, August 19, 2005

Note to wife...

When leaving for a fun-filled 3 day "camping" trip with your friends and there is no food in the house, please warn your husband so he can stop fostering the idea that he only cooks McDonalds cheeseburgers. Thanks, mgmt (hired for weekend rush)

Maybe I just need to teach the oldest to shop and cook. Hmmmm....

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Open letter to the kids...(WARNING: Mush Alert)...

Not sure if it is the age, school starting, or just the kids in general - but I find I'm feeling very melancholy lately. I find that whenever I look at the kids, I see them both as they are now and as I remember them as they first started showing signs of their individual personality. Now, those of you without children are probably reading this and thinking - "Man, he's lost it", while those with kids are probably reading this and thinking - "Man, he HAS lost it". To head off those comments, I never really had it to lose, so, without further ado, this is for the kids:

To the oldest: I was talking with you earlier today, and pointed out that I am very lucky as a parent. You are growing up into a wonderful young person, and I am very proud of you, the decisions you make, and the help you provide the rest of us on a regular basis, be it a funny comment or assisting with some menial task which needs to be done. I am happy that I genuinely like you (something I was never sure would happen when you were little), your friends (most parents don't in my opinion) and the wonderful person you are becoming. Keep up the good work (or I'll get the 2X4 out again).

To the middle: I probably don't say this enough, but sometimes you need to ease up. You can't control the world...yet. Someday maybe, I don't put this past you, but even then, you'll need to see other things beyond the black and white. The world won't stop if you bend a rule. You work hard, have a wonderful personality and are a lot of fun to be around too. Just keep in mind that no one is perfect and they don't have to be and you'll continue to do just fine.

To the youngest: What can I really say? For someone with as little fear as you have, I'm fairly surprised you've lived this long. If it wasn't for being cute and sweet, I don't think even your luck would have held you from that fate for long. Like the two before you, you are a special kid. Warm, caring, and all in all, a pretty good egg. Start using the things on the side of your head a bit better (they are NOT ornamental), and keep on with what you are doing and you'll be just fine.

For all three: I truly can't believe how old you all are, nor can I remember getting here. You all are very special in your own ways - and very similar. You make me laugh, you make me angry, but through it all, you all make me very, very happy. Aside from your Mom, you three are the best things to ever happen in my life and I am very thankful for that every single day (yep, even when I'm swinging the 2x4 for something you did or didn't do...).

It is very strange to me that I see two distinctly different people when I look at each of you. I see the child I remember and love, but I also see the growing kids and young adults you are becoming. Both seem out of place to me, while at the same time both are so very fitting to you all. Remember to be true to yourselves as you grow - you will have responsibilities privileges appropriate for your ages and these things will always keep in the forefront the wonderful kids I've been lucky enough to watch grow. But also remember the child I see whenever I look at you. Don't forget all the things you've learned from playing around, and definitely don't forget all the fun you've had doing so. While responsibility, trust and honor will be how many people will remember you, the ones you truly care about will remember those things and the fun - as will you someday.

I hope you all realize how much I care about you and how much fun we've had to this point. I'm looking forward to the many more years we have for more fun - but I also wanted to leave a little note to remind you of how proud I am of each of you. I know I try to tell you this all the time, but dang it, I wanted something to remind you I mean it - and also to brag to everyone else about it a bit!

Lastly, and I know I say this often, but I love you. No matter what happens, that will never change. I realize I'm partial, but you all are very special and, while I sometimes give you a hard time, are very good kids. Please keep up the good work...now CLEAN YOUR ROOM!!!!

No Problem...

Overheard:

Middle Child: Thanks a lot for messing up my project.
Youngest Child: Thanks a lot for yelling at me.
Middle Child: Not a problem.

Monday, August 15, 2005

You're not old Dad.....

Chatting at the bus stop with the kids, we were discussing my hubbys impending birthday........to which he stated, "oh yeah, I completely forgot......I am getting really old" My son wasted no time in trying to make his father feel better....."Dad, you're not old, you play sports like golf" I am still giggling. My son obviously hasn't been on a golf course ever to notice all of the gray/bald heads. Tee Hee

Saturday, August 13, 2005

TC is at it again...

Ahh, TC (explained below) is at it again, still trying to futilely change our minds as to the actual culprit. He posted comments to the rebuttal listed here, and I've posted some additional, but then decided I wanted to make sure others saw what was transpiring in case TC comes to visit you someday. So, below is the comments by TC and my follow up. I will try to leave this as my last word, but I'm only now beginning to realize the rabbit hole TC puts me into with his useless arguments for fear of him striking somewhere else unbeknownst to the owners...

Scottland said...
Jury? evidence? What a load of crap. Circumstancial evidence at best. All artists are proud of their work, but this is another over inflated story from the master. The 'download' in question was certainly not signifncant enough to clog anything, let alone your 17th century plumbing. And the tem 'download', disgusting. Who talks like that anyway? I much prefer 'dropping the kids off at the pool' or even'growing a tail'. Let us not forget 'logoff' and the classic "pinching a loaf.' If proper downloading is not possible at your facility, then an upgrade is in order, sir. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.


darprice said...
Again - can't be 17th century plumbing - the house is only 3 years old - heck, the neighborhood is only 5 years old. While I realize that water restriction toilets can cause you problems (seem to recall you wanting a trip to Canada for the 5 gallon flushers to assure yourself it'd work when necessary), even you have to admit that the toilet was in working order when you started; why else use it and further gum up the plumbing? With this being the case - the suspect list narrows, no matter how you look to defend...

Next - you were proud of your work - why else refer to the culprit as an "artist" as you do above.

Lastly - the final nail - I got the term "download" from you. I believe even your refusal to admit this aspect of your poop loving ways shows your continueing errors and the not 1, not 2, but FOUR different euphemisms you used for this activity. Say what you will, argue your point all you want, but you will not change my mind, nor likely that of many readers TC (Toilet Clogger).

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Maggie does it again...

Mighty Girl does it again. The post titled Discretion is some of the funniest stuff I've read in a long time. Absolute must read.

Rebuttal to the rebuttal - rebut this Potland!!!

A great man some where stated "Them there's fighting words". Not sure it applies here, but I always wanted to say it, so there it is.

Toilet plugging aside, my last comments in return for this is that frankly, I believe that if the 10 year old kid had done it, he'd be proud to admit he'd gummed up the plumbing works. Lastly, I strongly believe that Potland WAS in fact proud he'd gummed up the plumbing as evidenced by the happy whistling during the corrective actions necessary.

Now, I may be known for stretching a tall tale here or there, but in this case I am fairly accurate in the details, and the important ones above I am astoundingly accurate - the 10 year old and wife had absolutely no issues with the toilet, while the old man was happily correcting his large downloading capabilities. You be the judge...

Monday, August 08, 2005

Crazy week...

Went to my high school reunion this weekend. Kinda crazy seeing all those people (and it was really small) after all these years. Also really funny that everyone had the same haircut...hmmmmm - time for plugs I guess!!!

On the way out, I get a call from work asking me to be in STL on Monday, so, I flew home in time to pack and be out again. I'll be home soon, but it is definitely making for some crazy days.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Welcome newcomer...

I'd like to take a second to welcome my brother in law to the world of blogging. If you have a minute I strongly encourage you to begin getting familiar with the often strange and funny musings of Scotland P. Potland at Insanity Junction. He's just starting, so if you don't see his musings, you soon will. There will be I'm sure references to the infamous "Louis Lane went down the drain" poems and others which have had me and mine in tears for several years.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

...but we almost made it...

I think my brother in law is trying to get even for his house being an instant enema for my children. Whoops, wait a second, I suppose I should explain that one before I go too much further.

Since they were wee little tikes, my two youngest would go to my sister's house, (ever so much easier when we were a half block away), and have their best poop five seconds into the house. We were never quite sure if it was induced from them or if they just saved if for sharing pleasure over there, but I would guess that is getting off the main topic and maybe a story for a slow blogging time.

The main topic I'm trying to get to is that while I own a plunger, I frequently go years without using it...unless of course the Grays come to town...in which case there will be a need to at least know of it's existence. In this case, my brother in law goes into the bathroom just after we get the kids in bed for his "daily download". 20 minutes or so later he comes out with a smirk and a call for all adults. His starting line? It is not my fault, however, I do believe we'll need a plunger to finish the job.

In further inspection, he claims it was his wife, his child, anybody but him. But, with each and every further question, it becomes clear that it could be no one else...

Me: "Um, if the toilet was already stopped up, why didn't you call for the plunger before hand?"
Him: "Well, you see, the dynamics of the poop..."
Me: "Um, yeah, I don't really care...you plugged up the toilet, here's the plunger"

At which point he takes the plunger, begins whistling a tune, and finishes completing the transaction...

UPDATE: For those interested in reading the rebuttal, click here. It's not over yet, more will be heard/read and relief will be had!!!!

I bet there's old people there...

My sister and her family come to visit. Really, I guess that's not entirely true, they truly came to hit the country's biggest garage sale - visiting us is just a happy co-winkie-dink.

Anyhow, while leaving me to torture 5 children by myself, the other adults go shopping. In their travels, they come across a strange looking cemetary (probably because it is a very old southern cemetary). To what do wondering ears hear, but my darling sister shouting out... "hey, I bet there's old people in there". I think my brother in law said it best when he retorted with, "Yep, they're just dying to get in".

Monday, August 01, 2005

Bang your head....

Picture this:

Oldest, head banging to...

wait for it, wait for it...wait...for...it...

A BRATZ commercial. Funniest thing I've heard of recently.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Hockey is back, so what's next?

So, I'm glad hockey is back, but I'm somewhat distressed as well. I mean, some of the changes being discussed and the entirely different look of some of the teams - I just don't know anymore if it will be the game I've loved for all these years. I guess we'll see in October.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Yes, we're geeks...

I caught the family ON TAPE, singing the Weird Al Yankovich "Star Wars" song...

"My my this here Anakin guy, maybe Vader someday later but now he's just a small fry..."

while doing dishes. Yep, I've officially created the perfect geek family.

Site is moved...

In case anyone has the blog bookmarked, the new path for this blog is:

http://www.price-crew.com/blog

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Wow...

Ever wonder what can be found at an airport?

For the non-techies...

All right, because so many have mentioned that I might not be the most prolific poster, but they still like the posts, I've come up with an easy way to send on blog posts via email for those who would like this. I'd still suggest an aggregator, (I can give more info if people are interested), but for the technically challenged I've worked out a way to email the posts upon creation. If you'd rather receive the posts this way, either send me an email request or make a comment on the blog stating the request with a valid email address and I'll add you to the distribution list. I'm still working out some of the kinks, but everything seems operational right now.

Thanks,

Management

The mighty snipe hunter...

For those of you that don't know, I've been working quite a bit from home. What does this really mean? It means that I am now available to assist my puppy in her snipe hunting (at least, that's what it means in her mind). While the kids were away recently, she wanted to be out every 30 seconds to check to see if they were coming home and to hit all of her favorite snipe spots. Now, with everyone back, it takes about 20 minutes for her to want to check her snipe spots.

What's that? Isn't a snipe a fictional critter that you send unsuspecting folks in a new area hunting for? Well, yes and no. Here, I use it to justify the puppy's innate need to go out chasing lizards and other unsuspecting natural wild life critters. Down here, we have an abundance of lizards running around and for whatever reason, the dog loves to sniff them and occassionally pounce on them (as if she were a cat no less). She's also been known to "gutter" a squirrel or two; (here, the trees are often too far away for the squirrels to reach, so they'll run into the house gutters which is just far enough away to protect them from the dog, but close enough to send her into a panic because she KNOWS they are so close).

Anyway, in the dog's eyes, we are here to serve, and now I'm here more often which means I simply MUST indulge her snipe hunting efforts. It's a good thing she's cute...Happy snipe hunting!!!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

One of these things is not like the other one...




One of these things is just not like the other...

True Love...

Shower time...

I love washing vehicles here. It's about the only thing you can do down here without worrying about dehydration.

It's also fun to hear the kids scream as I soak 'em!

Color Coded...

Here's the setting: At dinner, discussing best and worst parts (yes, Beaver Cleaverish, but still fun)

Youngest: The best and worst part of my day was having my friend over...
Me: Having your friend over was a worst part (because of how he had said it)
Youngest: No. The worst and best part of my day was having my friend over...
Me: You already said that
Youngest: Yes, but I wanted to make sure you'd understand so it's color coded...

Thursday, July 21, 2005

It's all about looks...

Youngest child to Middle child: You look just like Mom, but without all of the wrinkles.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

They're baaaaack...

And I thought I missed all the noise...

Seriously though, it is good to have the kids back home. Even with the arguing (with me, not each other), whining and just general tiredness - I've missed these rugrats. And even if I hadn't, I'm glad the dog is no longer wanting to be outside every 30 seconds to see if they are coming home yet. Geez.

In other news, the summer sitter is done and the kids are generally pleased. For whatever reasons, they weren't overly thrilled with the arrangement, but at the same time, I'm sure they enjoyed it much more than they would have if they had gone somewhere else.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Lost...

Been a while and lots has been happening. I've been traveling for work again (finally done), and the family has been enjoying summer vacation. First, neice and nephew were down to visit. It is simply amazing to me how the kids can go for months at a time and not miss a beat. Then we shipped ours back home to visit relatives. Everyone seems to be having a good time. Worst seems to be the youngest falling out of a tree. Picked up some scratches, but all is well.

And of course, while the kids are away, the parents will play. The wife and I decided to postpone our anniversary celebration (it's been 10 years already) until the kids were away and take a short trip. We ended up picking Hilton Head, because it was close (about a 5 hour drive) and near the water. Other than poor customer service from majority of the hotel staff, we had a great trip. Excellent food, and the best was the ability to be spontaneous again (even if it was to spontaneously take a nap - we are getting sooo old). All in all, good time, great food and even better company (from my view at least). I do miss the kids however.

So, the wife left Thursday to retrieve the kids, leaving me on my own for 5 days. Problem is, after the first day, I've been as lost as the dog. Getting to the point where I think my neighbors are avoiding me. How do stay at home folks do it?

Anyway, that pretty much catches you up on us. Not as interesting as usual perhaps, but definitely more relaxed. More stories soon - once the kids get home.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Say WHAT?!?!?!

This morning, while trying to keep the youngest cheered up enough to leave us, I decided the best way was to give some responsibility in order to make up for abandoning Mom and Dad. Below is almost the exact conversation:

Youngest: I love you Dad. I'm going to miss you.
Me: I love you too and I'm going to miss you very much. Can you do me a favor though? Can you watch out for your sisters? You know, make sure they don't get in trouble and are good and all that? Remind them we love and miss them too?
Youngest: Yep, I can do that Dad.
Middle: Watch us? Watch us? You realize Dad that he is the "little brother". We should be watching out for him, not the other way around. Do you even know what you're saying Dad?

Umm, I thought I did, but since you put it that way...

Kid Swapping...

We met up with my sister to loan our children and return theirs. The kids will be vagabonding with various friends and family for the next couple weeks. In the meantime however, the adults decided to play some cards and have some fun while the kids slept. The wife, after dealing almost single handedly with 5 children on her own the last couple weeks decided to have a few drinks prior to cards - 2 (5 shot) Long Island ice teas later she was feeling no pain.

Sis and I decided to be partners in a friendly game of Euchre and my drunk wife decied to use our initials A&D for the score sheet (couldn't use the cards in this deck). She quickly related A&D to A&D ointment, and here is where the fun really begins...we became known as the butt salve team. I quickly pointed out we weren't preparation H when my darling sweet OLDER sister proudly announces (complete with emphatic fist pumping) THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE BUTT SALVE!!!! So much for that argument.

Shortly after that, my drunkard was making other mocking comments, which got her shoved off the bed (where we were playing cards...what were YOU thinking?!?!). While she has one hand on the floor and is trying to figure out a way to get up, begging for help, she decides to further add insult to injury and call her sweet husband "Ass Monkey" every time I began to help. After a couple of minutes she finally realized the error of her ways. Nope, she didn't apologize, she just realized she could roll off of the bed and then sit back down on it.

So, after a rousing night of beating children and truly laughing so hard it hurts, the wife and I are childless. Problem is, I no longer have any idea of what to do with all of the free time....