Monday, December 31, 2007

The way to end the new year...

Is to start with pep talks for all those missed resolutions.

Ugh!!! We NOW return you to your blogging pleasure...

Finally, after a host move and some other fun drama, the blog is back, and just in time for 2008!

Have a happy new year and I'm sure there'll be more to follow. The standing website may take a bit to get back to speed, but I'll hopefully get that running right over the next couple days as well.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Fabulous and 40!

My good friend Karen turns 40 on November 5th, so we went out to celebrate with her this weekend! We had a blast! A bunch of folks met early and went to dinner. We had an earlier commitment so we met up with them at about 10:30 at East Andrews. Now, I have to say I was skeptical at first because of what I have heard about E. Andrews.....that it is as "meat market" being the married type, I haven't had a great pull to go there. I can honestly say I was wrong and have probably missed out on some great fun. I am sure some of the great fun was who I was with and also the rockin' 80's band that was there. I really wish I had gotten some pics of the band because they were hysterical. Only one guy had his authentic hair, all the other guys had 80's style wigs with bandanas holding them on. Not to mention the tights!!! OMG, the tights! The lead singer could have been the product of Steven Tyler and Axl Rose procreation. The lead guitar player was in a freakin lawn chair because of a broken femur. Gotta give him kudos. I could go on and on, but really they were great all around. Awesome songs, singing, flashbacks to David Lee Roth.....etc!! We then went over to 5 Paces bar and continued the celebration. Now I must reveal I was 100% sober the entire night, only because I was scared straight on our was to the bars. We went thru one of those sobriety check points that you always hear about but I have not actually seen. Holy crap!!! What seems like millions of cops have the road blocked off into a check point where you MUST stop and be checked. If you even attempt to turn around, there are 2 cop cars on you immediately. We know this for a fact because a guy in front of us tried it. Off to the side in a parking lot was 4 or 5 flatbeds waiting patiently for impounded vehicles....Amazing sight! Thus, I drank only diet coke all night. Not a drinker and driver, but I wasn't going to risk anything. I wanted to be able to state I had had NOTHING to drink if the situation arose. So was still a blast to be the only sober one. Drunk people are freaking hillarious! Myself and another unknown woman that seemed quite sober were freaked by a 4'10" man weighing at least 300lbs. Which he promptly fell down in the bar....weebles wobble and they DO fall down!!! :) LMAO! We could do nothing but laugh. Anyways, here's to good friends and good fun! Happy Birthday Karen!

Monday, October 29, 2007


A show the wife, oldest and I have gotten in to lately is "How I Met Your Mother". The other night, they were addressing the point where everytime you suggest to a friend to a new person who you think they should date, there is always a positive: "Oh, she's sweet and really attractive" and a "but" which you never state: "...but, she makes Jessica Simpson look like a doctorate candidate". Wait, maybe for guys that isn't so bad...

Anyway, they went through on the show lots of their own "buts" which prompted:

Me: Honey, what's my but?
Oldest: The thing between your torso and your legs. What are you thinking???

Yep, I can't kill the kid. Registered with the state and all.

Strike System...

Our friend has a punishment system which works for her family. The middle has once upon a time, tried to instill it here with large failure.

Recently, the wife instilled it, which led to the following conversation with my sister:

Me: Yeah, so the wife instituted a "strike system".
Sis: Really? What is that and how does it work?
Me: Well, when the kids get in trouble, she makes a mark on a piece of paper and calls it a strike. You get 5 and you lose privileges.
Sis: And does it work?
Me: I don't really know. I like my "strike" system better. If a kid screws up and I'm within striking distance, I do. If they really screw up and I have to chase them, they probably get more than one...That I KNOW works...


Oh boy. That was painful. First, the server has issues and has to be taken down. Then, a new server is put up and...I can't remember the password to the site to change locations. To make matters worse, I of course used the ONE EMAIL which I've disabled in the last decade. Ouch.

We now (attempt) to return you to your regularly scheduled life. We should have some relatively good posts coming up...assuming we remembered to write all the stories down...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

And the beat goes on...

Me: I love you kid.
Oldest: No, I love you.
Me: I don't care what you say, I love you...
Oldest: (grunts) Noooo. I love you...
Me: Quit it now dang it. I love you, so just leave it alone...(raising voice)
Oldest: (whining now) You're ruining my life...I love you. (door slams)

Yep, that there's some good ol love for ya...

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

School Daze...

Middle: ...and so, if we leave our chair out, we get a mark out.
Me: Why is that?
Middle: Because the teachers wear open toed shoes and get irritated when they trip over the chairs.
Me: But your main teacher is so short, she should be able to see the chairs. Why is it your problem when she can't?

Oldest laughs raucously

Middle: But the other teacher is tall and he has issues with the chairs too...
Me: True. But because he's so tall, I'm sure he trips over children too. Do you get in trouble when he trips over you?

Oldest looses control and can't stop laughing

Methinks the oldest is taking too many hard drugs as a result of the wisdom teeth removal. All is well, and the child is back to school now too, and didn't even have a bruise to show for it all...stinker.

Vick Pleads Guilty...

Does this truly surprise anyone? Seriously? So, now the question comes down to how severely will he be disciplined by the league? Assuming the government gives Vick 3 years (which I think is not going to happen - I'm looking for 3 months with good behavior), what does the league do? You know the NFL is looking for a harsh penalty so their discipline doesn't have to actually deal with this. Vick was the face of the NFL.

Goodell has an issue here. If he slaps Vick on the wrist (primarily time served assuming actual jail time), what message does that send the league? If, on the other hand, he throws the book at Vick and bans him for life, what does that say about the offenders (sexual, drunken driving, etc.) that are in the league?

Personally, if sports leagues want to clean up, stop offering multiple chances. Players like Pacman Jones don't deserve it. Coaches like Detroit's naked Wendy's late meal orderer, don't deserve it. Somehow, media and fans believe that players deserve breaks. To me, they've already earned their breaks - that would be why they are able to sign deals worth 10 years and $130 million dollars plus lucrative endorsements worth millions as well (hundreds of millions in Vick's case). When they choose to throw that all away, or even risk doing so, to me, that is their choice. Until leagues show this is what will happen consistently, you'll have felons in these leagues. You'll have guns being fired at strip clubs at all hours, you'll have these kids, doing whatever pleases them, because they believe they deserve the priveledge. C'mon, do we really need another Randy Moss riding on the parking meter reader's car - let alone something more serious like Vick showing us he loves dogs?

Friday, August 03, 2007

Driving Lessons: To Give or To Receive?

My sister, of the infamous "let's get the brother's truck stuck in my backyard over a submerged beach ball" did it again. Yesterday, she and the wife went for a ride on the North Carolina dunes, when she managed to get a FOUR WHEEL DRIVE vehicle STUCK (rumors say there was another beach ball). So, what do the women do? They get out, adjust shirts for maximum cleavage, and then get a flag a local to stop, break two tow straps, and another local to stop and to free them. At this point, she realizes she needs gas and almost ran out ON THE DUNES...BEFORE getting stuck (several miles from the nearest paved road). Of course, she didn't turn the car off during her stuck truck woes.

So what does she do for a encore? Attempt to run over a road median (albeit a small one) while my wife screams incoherantly.

The children, not getting the bribe they went after, spilled all in about 1 second of hitting the door (while the wives nearly peed their pants while covertly listening downstairs). Eventually, they were found because they couldn't stop giggling.

So, do you give or receive driving lessons?

Biggest Impressions from Vacation...

-Picnic tables don't work well with everyone sitting on the same side.

-Kids spent in excess of $150 of their own money (neice and nephew included): not all of them had purchased anything to do with the trip, and most had only purchased one small thing to do with the trip.

-When going to the beach, don't forget your swimsuit...

-When staying at the beach, use sun tan lotion more than once per day...

-Drink lots, but maybe in more moderation next time...(final tally - 3 fifths, two gallons a bottle of wine, and 4 beers)

-Cameras stink. Both ours and my sisters cameras had technical difficulties this week. Ours, the batteries died. When we got new batteries, we created some awesome pictures, but deleted them before getting them properly downloaded due to technical difficulties. (Like, not having batteries in the first place). My sisters: card filled up and was occassionally shutting off sporadically.

-"Ice Cube Difficulties" can be hazardous people. Avoid at all costs.

-It was a wonderful vacation spent with family. We had a great time and it has been a long time since our family has been relaxed like this.

-No one was eaten by shark ala "Jaws". I say that makes things successful.

More Vacation Sayings...

Ashley: Hmmm. You're kinda growley. Do you need a tide stick for your shirt?

Oldest: Aunt Ann wore her bling in the ocean, breaking all of her shark papers...

Oldest: Ewwww. There are fish in here... (talking about the ocean)

I'm concerned about the one in pink PMS'ing. That one, if I don't give chocolate she's going to gnaw my arm off...
Damn! She can hear all of a sudden...

Mom: We need a splaying field...(after several coctails...)

We're not counting your cracks...(talking about dice caught on the picnic table)
You will count my cracks...(NOT talking about the dice)

Don't insult me and then play with my privates...(as these became the "lucky" rub)

I'm Guatamalon HOT...said with accent)

You snot on this one and ear shit on that, which you gonna use (talking about hands...this creates drunken laughter, which results in...)
WE HAVE MILK!!! Yeah baby, we have milk!!!

Has he actually written anything down?
Are you kidding? He's like a court reporter...
He's like Monica Lewinski keeping dresses...

Matt Lauer is NOT cooler than me...

I don't mean to piss on your parade, but come back to reality vacation boy...

I'm sure there's more, however, this is what I have for now...

Monday, July 30, 2007

Vacation Words of Wisdom...

Middle: Um, can you guys stop talking about drinking for a minute and listen to me?

Middle: Cousin, if I have enough energy when we get back I'm going to kill you...

Older Cousin: You are all up in my grille. Back off.

Older Cousin: I'm grounded from gum. It isn't good for the grille.

Older Cousin: Aunt Sue, you are the most "playa hating" person. Why'd you take my jelly?
Mom: Because otherwise you'd be diabetic...

Uncle: Are you ready for some "reddening of the butt cheeks"? (Meaning ready for a spanking...)

Uncle: I don't like this song. It has quite a few bad words...
Mom: Have you heard you and your wife talk?
Uncle: What? What exactly are you saying?
Mom: That the words coming out of your mouth are worse than what we hear on the radio version of this song (which was the one playing).
Uncle: Biz-eee-yatch...

Aunt: So, we broke so many of these "shark attack" rules...let's see - Rule #1...(at this point, Mom took the rules and threw them away)

Me: Child, (to the youngest) don't let any more kite string out unless you are given permission...(this, after the child let almost all of the string out and I had been reeling it in for about 10 minutes and was only roughly half way done)

Mom: (to oldest cousin) She's gonna pop a cap in your ass if you don't watch it...(literally 5 minutes after complaining about the in-laws language...)

Me: What other "Words of Wisdom" am I missing?
ALL: Don't say another word, he's blogging them...

Oldest Cousin: I'll lick my jelly...

Uncle: Do you mind if I fart?
Me: Nope, go ahead, I've been doing it all day...

(This proceeded to offend several people for the rest of the day, terming us "those gross boys")

Cousin: There's too many people in this store...Yaaaah!!!! (threatening all near her)

Mom: You have a streamer hanging from your nanner...No, not your nipple, your nanner...I don't know how you got that confused...

I'm sure there'll be more, I mean, it really is only the second day of vacation. Maybe later today, we'll play some little Sally Walker...

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

5 years and 700+ miles...

All to have Joey Harrington still as my "hometown" quarterback...

Viva la differance!!!

Clarification: I have to say, I feel bad for the guy. I mean, he gets the wrap for not getting the Lions to the "glory" days of 8-8 again, but you have to look beyond him at the sheer incompetence which still resides there regardless of whatever their record this year ends up becoming (dare we to hope for 4 wins?). Then, he takes a gig as Daunte Culpepper's backup with a middling team. What does he do? He ends up with a middling performance. Now, with Atlanta, he's got the opportunity to lead a team, which is definitely not built for a conventional quarterback. I just can't expect much. I mean, take Tom Brady and put him in any of these situations and you don't get a much better result.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Yeah, its kinda like that...

Today was a fun day. The best part? Ooh, that had to be when the door handle to the garage broke. I'll start by saying, that in my entire life in the midwest, I cannot think of a time EVER that I've had or heard of a door handle breaking. Here in the south, I've had it happen twice in 5 years (and one of those was on a door handle less than a year old).

So, I tell the wife I'm going to get door handles...She tells me she's going with. Why, I ask (innocently and not really wanting the answer, but knowing she'd just ruin my Depot time...). The answer? Because the last time you bought a door handle, you bought that ugly BRONZE thing...

Now, in my defense, I bought the "ugly bronze thing" because she wanted a "non-gold tone" handle with a dead bolt. This fit the description and was to the contrary, not ugly. She even admitted it...BEFORE I INSTALLED IT. Bygones.

So, she travels with me to the Depot, where she proceeds to attempt to pick out the MOST EXPENSIVE DECORATIVE handle...FOR THE GARAGE. Bygones. Suffice it to say she didn't get that one. We did get something a bit more beer pocket book.

On the way home, we have the following (snippet of) conversation:

Wife: blah, blah, blah blah blah. Well I guess that just isn't her jar of cookies.
Me: Huh?
Wife: Oh, you know, her bag of potatoe chips.
Me: Do you mean "cup of tea"?
Wife: Yeah, that's it. I knew it was some form of measured food.
Me: Hmmm. Last time I checked, a cup of tea wasn't a food...

But, yeah, I guess its kinda like that...She is soooo pretty...

Sunday, July 22, 2007


Sure sign you might be drinking a tad too much:

A while back, while shopping with the youngest children, my wife goes to Kohl's. The following ensued:

Middle: (upon finding a Corona Beer pillow picks it up)
Youngest: (searches and finds a lime pillow)

Together: Hmmmm. Mom, how do you get the lime in the bottle?

For some reason, the wife didn't decide to fill me in on this story until recently? What do you think? Hiding a problem? ;)

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Family Phone Torture...

Phone rings...

Me: Hello?
Sister's Oldest: Hi. Is your oldest there?
Me: Um, what do you want?
Sister's Oldest: Um, your oldest...
Me: For what?
Sister's Oldest: I want to ask a Pokemon question...
Me: Shoot then. I know all there is to know about Pokemon...
Sister's Oldest: OK. I have a question about Shaladon. I want to know whether I should invite it to a party...
Me: You want to invite Shaladon to a tea party? First, you realize that it isn't real, right? And you realize you are a little old to be throwing tea parties for fictional beings? Seriously, why would you want Shaladon to come to a tea party? Do Shaladon's even like tea? I mean, really?


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

More food fun...

I guess yesterday was a blast for the wife and the oldest. See, the oldest was bored and the wife suggested making my favorite sweet (no, ice cream is not my only downfall - otherwise I wouldn't appear to be pregnant). Anyway, the child makes no bake cookies. Now, growing up, no bakes were my singular weakness. Unfortunately, with age, I've developed a nasty problem where I can't have beer, honey or nuts (including peanut butter - the biggest ingredient in no bakes).

So, I come out of the office on a break, and there are the no bakes. Immediately, I start slobbering thinking how I might be able to have just one (famous last words). I get agitated, and give the child grief. The kid's response? Yep, eat a no bake, right there, right in front of me.

Later that night, when the wife comes home from work, I'm giving her grief as well (for eating 6 no bakes in front of me). The best part, was the karma train. The oldest tries to stick up for the wife, but does so by swinging the remote. Said remote, hits the wife in the knee.

I laughed so hard I could hardly breathe. Man, I love that there karma train...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Ice Cream Rebuttal...

Ahem. I just want to point out that the "debacle" does not begin where the wife decided to begin it. Nor, can I state it ends where she ended it. This being said, here is the real story.

First, let us start the evening with a wonderful fatherly idea from the night before. I was in a bad mood, and determined that our family should go for good ice cream. On the way, every member of my family gained/lost/regained (and in some cases, re-lost) their ice cream. In the end, we all got the goods, but the two oldest were kinda touch and go for a while.

Tonight, the wife and oldest begin picking on me mercilously. This incited a bout of tickle torture, in which I won. At the end of this, is where the wife's story begins. She leaves out that the child was eating out of the carton. She leaves out that no one even thought of offering me any ice cream (as any respectable person would offer another). She leaves out that I rummage through the freezer, to find another suitable carton of ice cream to partake in, but the only readable part of the container is the top. The lid which states clearly the container is filled with cookies and cream, only to open it to plain vanilla. Now, vanilla is fine, but it is no cookies and cream. This leaves me with just chocolate yogurt...well, that, or stealing the sneaky neighbor child's ice cream. Knowing me as you all do, you know what I did...Of course I took the neighbor kid's. I mean, it isn't like that one lives here and can whine to me about it for more than a night. Alas, the wife did not allow that to stand up.

So, here I am back to the yogurt. And as I scoop out my yogurt, the oldest comes over begging for me to scoop. This wonderful, sweet child, who wouldn't even offer me any of the last tidbits. And this puts me into my ice cream rant. A rant so vile that it caused the wife to pee. And almost cost me a child who thought that eating nearly full container of yogurt from the carton would be a good idea...

Welcome to my life. This, is why ice cream is my favorite. It brings the family together - not always in a good way, but always, together.

Ice cream debacle

The husband LOVES ice cream! With that said, the kids and their friends wanted an evening snack of ice cream. I scoop out most of the remaining cookie dough ice cream and then give the remainder in the carton to the oldest(there was like 4 bites). Husband sees said ice cream container and bellows something about why doesn't he get any!?? GEEZ! Thus begins the rustling thru the freezer in which hubby then brings out, what he thinks, his next favorite, Oreo. That's when I had to drop the bomb on him that it really is plain vanilla ice cream with an Oreo lid I had mixed up. LMAO!! At this point there is a notable amount of steam rolling from his ears and me doubled over in laughter trying desperately not to pee myself. Poor baby had to suffer with stinkin frozen chocolate yogurt! Yum! I'm still giggling.

Monday, July 02, 2007

What goes around, comes around...

Me (To the oldest): So, why did you buy a "My Little Pony"?
Oldest: Because they're cute. And besides that, my friend likes to name them. He named one "SugarMagnificentPepperSprinkles"...and THAT is such a cool name. I hope he gives mine a cool name like that...

Um, yeah. Kinda like a circle. Give it another week or two and Monchi-chi, Monchi-chi's will make a blazing comeback too...

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day...

Happy Father's day to all you Fathers.

To me, this is a day to truly sit back and enjoy my family. At very few other points in my life do I actually take the time to sit back and enjoy all that life has brought me and how wonderful life really is.

I have 3 wonderful children. They are well behaved, kind and compassionate. They truly surprise me many times throughout the year. On Father's day, I get the chance to actually truly enjoy them and who they are at that moment.

This year, while not being as wonderful as years past, because I had to work, was still great. Normally, we go to the same spot (used to be the zoo when we were in Michigan, now we have other traditions). This year we didn't do much, but we did get to spend some good quality time together and all of the kids (even the oldest) showed me how much they care. My wife, as always, was a huge support, but there really isn't anything like having your kids enjoy the day and come up to give you spontaneous hugs (at least, without it be a preface for "So, Dad...can I(/we/you)...).

All in all, it has been a very enjoyable day and I wish the same for everyone else in the same position. Happy Father's Day!!!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

And so, what is another year?

Today marks my wedding anniversary with Susabell. This takes yet another year off of my committment, which, if my calculations are correct, is now down to 433 years.

*Sap Alert!!!*

Seriously, I have no idea what I'd do without my wife. She is my friend, my confidant, my life. She puts up with my crap, gives her own, and through it all we manage to have fun.

We've grown up and grown together over the years. We still hold hands and cuddle. We still argue - and still make up. We've discussed our hopes and dreams - and we've put plans in place to pursue them. Whether we ever acheive all of them or not, I have acheived the best things in life - because of my wife. Our friendship, our kids, our love all mean more than anything else, and no matter what wherever life takes us, we will always have each other.

So, on this wonderful day, Susabell, I just want to say "Thank You" for agreeing to join me on this journey, through mostly good and some bad, sickness (and lysol clouds). It hasn't stopped being fun and I hope it never does. I love you and happy anniversary!!!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Suicide Hill...

Kids will be kids. Sometimes, I just wish it would be in someone else's yard.

Today, the neighborhood kids, being good boys and girls, were riding bikes. On the street? Nope, too dangerous. Up and down neighborhood yards? Yep, sounds safer. With permission? Why?

So, the kids are riding down the gigantic Georgia hills. Are they content with that? Of course not. This explains why it is no great surprise when my children come running in to the house complaining one of the kids fell. The surprise? It wasn't my offspring.

See, they decided to ride down the side of the house with all the rocks to make things more interesting. No, they didn't fall in the rocks, that would be too simple. Nope, they rode through the rocks, through the remainder of my cared for lawn, and FLIPPED down the hill behind my house. Again, no surprise the bike was on top of the declared "Daredevil of the Decade". I also wasn't terribly surprised the kid didn't want to move. I was mildly surprised that he wasn't fully impaled upon the blackberry "bloodvines" that have fully engulfed this part of my yard. Then, the kid gets up complaining of a severely hurt wrist. (For those counting at home, this makes 3 children hurt at or near my home in the last several weeks. I blame it on not enough milk being given).

Let the lawsuit commence!!!

I'd be more worried, but see, the kids Dad won't be able to read this post, since he broke his collarbone just yesterday riding a bike. I think I can prove the family just shouldn't be on bikes; they are much more pedestrian (at least for the next 6 weeks!!!).

Thursday, May 31, 2007

This is like my old landlord...

This is too funny...

Kind of reminds me of one of my landlords.

On my own...

The wife just left. Nope, it isn't for good (more's the pity...for her); she just left me and the kids to go spend time in the woods with her friends. I'm sure she'll have some good stories for you when she gets back. In the meantime, I have to figure out the dinner menu for the next several days...

Tonight - McDonalds
Tomorrow - Pizza
Saturday - Wendy's
Sunday - starve until wife gets home

Maybe, just maybe, I'll add in some alcohol for good measure. See why the kids love it when I cook?


Many of you are aware I recently had a business trip to India. It was a very interesting (and intimidating) experience. From the time I got off the plane in Mumbai. After roughly 18 hours of travel, I had a nearly 8 hour layover in Mumbai. This meant a hotel. Being properly informed, I attempted to have a car at the airport to pick me up, as the locals are notorious about over charging unsuspecting tourists. Unfortunately, I got my bags, and there was no car for me or from the hotel. This made for a dicey situation. As I searched for the car, I asked a local police officer, who shooed me out of the airport. At this point, I confronted a mass of people, that even understanding India is heavily populated, I was totally unprepared for. As I continued my search for the car which was not around, I came to the realization that I would need to get a cab any way possible and hope for the best. Well, that probably wasn't the best idea either in retrospect. In the end, I spent over $100 on a cab ride of about 10 minutes. For comparison, I acquired a car and driver for a full day and only paid about $140.

The traffic was simply outrageous. From what I could tell, the only real road rule was if the vehicle is bigger than you, you should slow down. There are few lights, no road signs and no road markings. Everyone drives anywhere they want and they share the road with people (even kids), hand carts, chickens, dogs, goats, donkeys, oxen (also used for transportation), cows, horses (also used for transportation), camels (again, transportation), elephants (you guessed it), monkeys, basically, anything and everything. Not only that, but they do all of these things while driving 60 mph with the slightest clearance. I actually saw a family of 4 all riding the same motorcycle. The two year old on the handle bars, Dad driving, Mom sitting side saddle on the back with both hands on the baby. Crazy I tell you.

Sightseeing was interesting however. It was a terrible time to visit the area I was in, but you can see why people would like it there. There is a lot of trash, but that is mostly due to the amount of people I think. I did get a chance to see a cave which was carved in 0 BC and updated between 6 and 7 BC. Just amazing how this beautiful work was done so long ago and is still in such great shape.

I also went to some typical local areas (a hill station, a dam and several other small, out of the way spots).

I spent some time in a local museum which had some very interesting artifacts, and took a drive through the original downtown area which was all completely wooden buildings. Aside from these things, it was amazing how the areas were built up (many spots being simply shacks with tarps for ceilings or walls) and to just have a general idea of how things came to be.

In the end, it was a good experience, and I was sitting in the airport thinking about returning when I was bit by a mosquito. Assuming I don't get Malaria or some other such noxious disease, I might consider going back someday...

Pictures are located here. Enjoy!!!

On the jump to spring...

I know some of these musings are LONG overdue, but it HAS been busy on this front. Things are finally starting to calm down, so maybe we can get some newsworthy updates out now...

In one day, while sitting on the deck (before we got our nifty new patio furniture this year - five years after we wanted to...), we saw - a rabbit, a snake (non-poisonous and living next to our house) being followed by an inquisitive bird, a hawk (and it's nest). It was this day, we quickly deemed, meant spring had sprung.

Sometimes, it is very nice to see critters out being critters like that.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Teachers let the fools out!!

Schools out, schools out, teachers let the fools out!!! Friday was the last day of school here in Georgia, thus begins summer vacation. I, for one, am ready for it. No more dragging children out of bed at 6am. Or bribing them with toaster strudels. Or turning on the lights and running for cover! Yeah!! I love summer! It has been fabulous down here weather wise, that is unless you want to water something. Strangely enough, the smoke from 250 miles away from forest fires has reached us several times now causing all folks with asthma to have to limit outside time. But, I am so ready for summer. What I will miss the LEAST is making 3 lunches everyday. I have no creativity left in me. I had gotten to the point of sending cereal in their lunches. What I will miss MOST is Mondays and Fridays to myself for running and what not. But it's not so bad, now we get to go hang out at the pool, Six Flags, White Water, or nothing at all. I am most looking forward to our family trip to the outter banks of North Carolina to a rented beach house with my sis-in-law and family. Yes, summer is a good thing!!!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Nothing makes a statement like the woman recently sitting at the counter at our local Waffle House. Sitting there drinking coffee, pouring over paper work, sitting on the counter was a pepper spray canister next to a rather large bottle of Midol! Got the message!!! The funny part was my husband trying to get my tipsy behind to shut up about it. Apparently when people drink they tend to talk loud and think they are whispering.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


I wine can help make the crappiest day better!

I wine can make a dinner of beans and weiners taste like a five course delicatessen delight!

I wine glasses were made so large to be filled to the tippy top!

I BELIEVE.......that is still only counts as one glass

I glass is almost empty and needs to be refilled!!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Slow Learners...

Happy Easter!!!

Today, was a wonderful family day. The kids enjoyed the easter egg hunt. There was a new fun family game, the oldest found a model person (for drawing) and the two younger received their very first swiss army knives, all courtesy of the Easter Bunny.

Once during the day, the youngest cuts one hand with the new knife. Warrants a band-aid. Later, the middle keeps making messes with the scissors. But the best? Oh, the best was when the youngest (not learning from the band-aid) comes running in from whittling, blood spurting from the OTHER index finger...


Now, if this was the first time something like this had happened, it probably would have been more interesting, but keep in mind, we do have three children. At this point, the wife starts compressing the child's hand, whilst I go to retrieve the offending knife. On my return, the middle child walks up to me after reviewing the carnage, hands me the other offending knife and walks away without a word. Maybe one learns a bit quicker than the rest...wait, that one kept using the scissors after being told not to...

Upon arriving at the ER, I find to my amazement that the staff doesn't remember us. They do pull us in back to confirm the need for stitches, where the wife is asked what happened. She says the child cut the hand. The nurse, looking incredulously at the wifes asks HOW. Um, with the Swiss Army knife received, oh, about 12 hours ago...The nurse laughs heartily, at least, until the youngest regales the nurse with our wonderful medical history. I immediately assume the position for when DFACS and the police arrive for our removal.

Later, one of the best conversations I think I've ever taken part of occurs, while the said finger is being sewn (and post codeine and other happy helpers):

Youngest: I don't feel anything. They could be removing my finger and I wouldn't know it...
Me: Nope. Don't worry about that until you hear the power tools.
Doctor: Dang. I'll have to redo that one.
Me: Yep, no worries on the finger being taken off, but the doctor is just about ready to sew the hand to your leg and then to sew your mouth shut. We paid extra for that...
Youngest: DAD...but seriously, I don't feel anything. They aren't taking it off, are they?
Doctor: Now, when we do get this all done, you'll have to wear a splint for a while...
Me: Yeah, that'll be neat. But, how will you be able to pick your nose?
Youngest: I've got another hand for that...
Doctor: Dang. That's another one I need to redo. Sir, I think I might have to ask you to leave...

When it was all done, the kid gets 4 measley stitches, all wrapped up with gauze on the offending hand, a splint and is walking out of the ER shouting:

Youngest: I'M NUMBER 1!!! I'M NUMBER 1!!! I'M NUMBER 1!!! I've got a little band-aid on one hand, a big one on the other, but nothing on my thumb!!! I'M NUMBER 1!!! I'M NUMBER 1!!! I'M NUMBER 1!!!

Yep, that's my kid. Yippee. I do however have more appreciation for how stoned Codeine can make a kid. Happy Easter to all!!!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Fatter than Mike Rowe...

Mike Rowe is the host of "Dirty Jobs". There was a recent episode, where dear old Mike cleans out a steam ship. It is a very tight space, and since the wife is VERY claustrophobic, she made her concerns for Mike clearly known, leading to the following conversation:

Youngest: Don't worry Mom. You'd never fit.
Mom: What? What exactly are you saying?
Youngest: That you wouldn't fit. What?
Mom: Are you saying I'm fat?
Youngest: Well, at least fatter than Mike Rowe...

So, that is the new Mantra - "Fatter than Mike Rowe". Hmm, I wonder what that makes me fatter than? Maybe a Baby Beluga?

Why I bother...disclaimers, zodiac and other teen fun...

Tonight was our turn to host "teen night". Due to school changes, some of the oldest's friends go to another school. As a result, they get together almost every week for this "teen night". Tonight, this was the situation...

(Before the pillow fight):

Me: If anyone gets hurt or anything gets broken, you will each share your portion of the bill...

Shortly thereafter, one kid goes down with possible broken arm. Good call on the disclaimer. Next time, there will be forms to sign upon entry.

Kid 1: And then, they like, have these things in the zodiac. So, because they don't have roosters, it's a cow...and like
Me: Um, I don't think there is a zodiac cow...? And I'm not getting how a rooster is a cow...
Kid 2: Yeah, I know, but like, they don't have a sparrow either...
Me: (Thinking what the $^&#?) Um, no, they don't have a sparrow...
Kid 1: Yeah, and like, a cow is like an Ox, and a sparrow isn't a rooster.

Yep, that is all true. Any further explanation needed, please ask a local teen. My head hurts and I give up.


Over heard (to HR Manager): "If you're looking for sympathy, it's in the dictionary somewhere between shit and syphilis"

Saturday, March 17, 2007

The wrong time to use big words...

Actual conversation:

Oldest: ...and now I'm so pissed...
Me: What?!?! (In head: I did not hear what I thought I just heard...) EXCUSE ME. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?
Oldest: Me? I just said that I'm so pissed...
Me: WHAT?!?!?!? Say that one more time...
Oldest: Say what? I'm PISSED. P-I-S-S-E-D. Pissed...
Me: (turning speaker phone on for the cell) Listen to this. Say that again.
Oldest: Say WHAT? I am PISSED.
Wife: You can't kill the kid through the phone...
Me: You may think you're pissed now child, but I'm going to show you the true meaning of that word when I get home...

Upon arriving home, the child, with sibling in tow, tries to convince us that the word said was not P-I-S-S-E-D, but rather was Pifft. Hmmm, somehow they don't even seem spelled the same...Let the beatings begin...

Monday, March 12, 2007


Quote from the youngest this AM: "I HATE MONDAYS...I HATE MONDAYS!!! THE WEEK SHOULD BE SATURDAY-SUNDAY-SATURDAY-SUNDAY-SATURDAY-SUNDAY ....ALL THE WAY 'TIL THE 4th OF JULY!!!" I guess I won't tell him he's actually up an hour earlier today.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

hoo hoo hee hee ha haaaa

The kids think it's funny when I sing this song.......if they only knew! Apparently I am ready to go back to work and/or the hubby has been on the road too long!!!

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa
from: Dr. Demento's Delights Warner Bros. 1975 BS 2855 0698

Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not toleave because I'd go berserk?? Well...You left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind.. And..

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaaTo the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll behappy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they'recoming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!
You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had saidthat loosing you would make me flip my lid.. RIGHT???I know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed you laughed andlaughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad... And..

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa,They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.To the happy home. With trees and flowers and chirping birds and basketweavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they'recoming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!
I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you pay me backfor all my kind unselfish loving deeds.. Huh??Well you just wait, they'll find you yet and when they do they'll put youin the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!!! And...

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa.They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happyto see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're comingto take me away, ha-haaa!!!To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basketweavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they'recoming to take me away, ha-haa!!!To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time... (fade out)

Saturday, February 24, 2007

My Names Ed

The son and neighbor boys have been having a great time playing in the creek out back since it's warmed up. Every night some poor creature is held captive in our mop bucket overnight in our garage, then set free the next day. Today the boys found an interesting crayfish with a third leg....hmmmm, maybe I should hose the boys off after playing in this creek, Oh well, they still only have two legs, we're safe, I think. Anyways, they proudly display the three legged creature to me and announce his name is Ed. Wondering what had inspired them to give this one the name of Ed, I asked........."you know special Ed, cuz he has three legs" He's his fathers son!!!

Favorite Sock

I am sure boys have just (ok, almost as much) as many hormones as girls. Yesterday confirmed that with my son. Lately he's been eating everything not nailed down and crankier than usual, thus I'm sure he's getting ready to have a growth spurt. Yesterday while snuggling on the couch watching Sponge Bob, the son and I started poking and tickling eachother. During the fun, I noticed his sock had a huge hole where the heel used to be. Thinking is would make him laugh, I grabbed the sock and ripped it the rest of the way. Now in my mind, I'm waiting for peels of laughter at mom's hilarity.....instead I got a deluge of tears! My first reaction was to giggle...once that started, I couldn't contain myself, furthering the deluge! He kept stating "you ripped my favorite sock!!!" "I worked so hard for that hole!" He was seriously ticked off at me. Excuse me while go check his dresser for any other favorite items I may not be aware of.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Follow up...

The person mentioned in the beginning of this previous post now has better options. Sitting on a pillow. We call it the outboard muffler...(this did make the wife cry in pain AND laughter)

In other topics and conversations (somewhat related) - the following occurred this week...

Middle: WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!?!?!
Youngest: (Giggles)

Laughter is the best medicine, right?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Greeting card folly

I have received many fun, sweet, endearing, hysterical greeting cards to help me heal. I love them all and truely appreciate the sentiments. Here is an example of one of the cards: "Not feeling well?" Inside: "Try farting.....always makes me feel better!" Ok, humorous, especially if you know who it came from, son comes home from school yesterday with the sad story of one of the little girls in his class being out for foot surgery. So of course the class all makes cards for her to cheer her while out of school.....get where I'm going with this?! Thank God he ran it past his teacher before he wrote it out!!! I'm sure my son supplied her family with great dinner conversation last night. Can't wait for conferences!!

Difficult to heal

As most of you know, I am at home recovering from a hysterectomy. I am currently 2 weeks post op. Doing well for the most part, however, I have noticed some problems. I live with a very comedic family, and they think it's fun to make mom laugh, excecpt it hurts like hell to laugh right now. To most people this would mean to lay off the comedy, but not in my family. My mom has so graciously come down from MI to help us out for 3 week, God bless her. HOWEVER.....adding her to the mix just makes the belly laughs worse. It has been slightly better this week due to my hubby being away with work. The kids are bad about making poor sliced open mom laugh, but my mom and hubby are the worst! Alas, the hubby comes home today, which I am happy for, just give me a pillow to hug.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Happy Birthday...

Yesterday was a busy day, what with removal from the hospital and birthday proceedings and the like.

Yesterday you see, was the wife's 34th birthday - in all her surgery recovering glory. You may recall, at last count, she was back in the hospital; this, from not listening to me (of course). I told her she needed to start taking the crack cocaine at least 3 weeks prior to surgery. Instead, she doesn't listen and ends up having a reaction to her medication. Thankfully, it was minor and she was able to come home early yesterday and enjoy her birthday at home. I suggested next year if she wanted to be away from home for her birthday, we should at least do it somewhere nice - NOT a hospital.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Setbacks and outboard motors...

Person 1: You people are making me (long, drawn out gaseous burst) sick...

This, done as I'm walking into a room with two entrances, and of course, I'm on the side closest to this "outburst". As a result, I stop and walk to the other entrance. When asked about my abrupt change in direction, the answer was:

I was afraid of the Evenrude...

Unfortunately, this wasn't a good thing for the wife.

In other notes, the wife had some medication setbacks. She was very sick last night due to her meds, and is back in the hospital for observation. Now, I always knew this would happen, but I always thought it would be for psychological observation.

She is doing well and resting comfortably and is expected home in the morning. Honestly, I think she just likes the cooking in the hospital better than mine...

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Mamma's Home...

Mom had major surgery this week for those who weren't aware. She came home yesterday and is doing fine - aside from trying not to laugh at her Mom and I.

Her Mom you see, came in to help take care of her. All in all, things have been going well, but we get along so well that we truly enjoy picking on each other, which in turn is making others around us laugh - which helps and hurts at the same time.

Take for instance, this morning. This morning, her Mother was over doing it (as usual). I told her to stop, but she just made faces at me. So, I threw pillows. In return, she threw the garbage can she had in her hand; hitting the dog. Life is all about the escalations.

In the meantime, wish Mom a speedy recovery.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Thoughts for the New Year...

"Well, they encourage your complete cooperation, send you roses when they think you need to smile, I can't control myself because I don't know how and they love me for it. Honestly, I'll be here for a while, so give them blood - blood - gallons of the stuff. Give them all that they can drink and it will never be enough...So grab a glass because there's going to be a flood."

My Chemical Romance - Untitled track (Cheery tune...honest)

Then, there is my anthem, located here. Remember "Vanilla Price"...Yeah, that's the mood...

Seems like it is going to be a very musical New Year here. Hope yours is starting off as well and continues to be great!!!