Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween!!!!

Happy Halloween to all the goblins and ghouls, witches and warlocks! I hope everyone has a fun, safe time.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Bedroom moaning...

Pervert. Get your mind out of the gutter...

The children have been having trouble adjusting to real life since our vacation. Here's an example:

The wife and I usually wake the children up nicely, with one taking one child and the other another (oldest doesn't get up until later in the morning). This morning, I had the joy of waking up both. Not really a problem, but it will illustrate what the kids have been going through.

Me: Sweetie, time to get up...
Middle: Unnnnh.
Me: (with a slight shake) Sweeeeetie, time to get uuuuuppp.
Me: Good morning. Glad to have you awake...
Middle: Yeah, whatever.

Me: Honey, time to wake up.
Youngest: NO!!!
Me: Do I need to sing, tickle or turn the lights on? Pick two...
Youngest: LEAVE!!!

So, at this point I left them both alone since they were talking and reacting. I did check back a little later. At that point, the middle child's light is on, so I know that one seems to be moving. The other child - dark room and no sound. Here is what happens next...

Me: (Going to the door, seeing no movement I turn on the light to see what is going on)
Youngest: Unnnnh.
Me: (Turn light off)
Me: (Turn light on)
Youngest: Unnnnh.
Me: (Turn light off)
Me: (Turn light on)
Youngest: Unnnnh.
Me: (Turn light off)
Mom: What is wrong? What's going on? Why are you whining?
Me: Sorry, that was me. The youngest's light was dark so I turned it on to see what was going on only to see the child nude in the middle of the dark room. The moaning was caused by the light. I found it amusing so I kept turning it off and on. Really isn't helping the situation, but it sure is fun.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Goodbye Ms. Parks...

Rosa Parks was a lot of things to a lot of people. To me, she was just a tired person who got notariety for taking a seat. This is not to downplay the significance of this act at a crucial time in the continued development of our country, but to point out that if she hadn't been so tired, she wouldn't have taken that seat. In all the time from that day to this, Ms. Parks has carried herself with unquestioned dignity and applomb. She gained fame and respect for taking a seat. She earned, even demanded, respect for being a great person. She was a person that people of all colors, races, creeds could look to and respect as a smart and dignified person. She was someone we all could and should have learned from. She is a hero for many reasons to many people, and the least of which is because she took a seat on a bus when she was tired. She will be missed.

It's COLD!!!!

Umm, I know I'm supposed to live in a warm state, but something has happened.

Currently, I'm sitting on my couch wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and a winter jacket I couldn't wear in Michigan because it was always too warm - and I'M STILL COLD. I think I've officially become a southerner...that, or maybe I just can't bring myself to turn on the heat...

At least when I get the chance to go out and get some wood I *finally* have an actual reason for a fire...

This is news?

Why is it still a major story that someone is gay? What does sexual orientation have to do with talents? Sheryl Swoopes, one of the most decorated and talented WNBA stars has taken the path less travelled and announced she is lesbian. This is risky, even though she is the reigning MVP in her sport. If you question this, look at Sue Wicks. Wicks is another very talented WNBA star who hasn't really been allowed to play since her team won back to back championships; coincidentally after making the same announcement.

This is not news people. People in all walks of life are homosexual, including sports (surprise, surprise). Please stop ostricizing talented people for something that shouldn't matter to you. I applaud Sheryl for the courage it must have taken to risk a lucrative livelyhood by making such an announcement. Let's support the decision so that others don't have to worry about even needing to make such an announcement that has no bearing on anything or anyone but themselves.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

We're back...

We're back and while we did see many different characters, Donald didn't explain his pantless excursions nor did Goofy exlpain his origins (likely because no alcohol is served in the Magic Kingdom).

We did have a ball and pictures are posted on flickr for friends and family (don't get jerky if you don't have the address, just contact me and I'll forward the info you need).

In the meantime, I thought I'd leave you with some highlight notes:

Times we rode different rides:

Oldest Middle Youngest
Space Mountain 7 7 7
Rockn Roller Coaster 6 0 0
Tower of Terror 5 1 0
Splash Mountain 6 6 0
Big Thunder Mountain 4 4 6
Star Tours 1 1 3
Pirates of the Carribean 1 1 4
It's a Small World 1 1 1

Oh yeah, and the youngest has decided to blend in to the redneck world by breaking a permanent tooth in half. Immediate comment afterward - "Can I have a gold or silver one?" Good times.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

We have our official redneck games invitation...

On the way to our tourist destination, the following occurs:

Middle: Mom, Dad, how do you spell "Wahl"?
Wife: Wahl? I'm not sure, can you use it in a sentence?
Middle: Wahl you were down there...
Wife: Umm, that would be w-h-i-l-e and the correct pronunciation is while, as in "While you were down there"
Me: Yep, that there means we might could get our redneck games invite soon.
Wife: Oh, we got 'er fur sure.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Robin's Cape Tried to Escape...

Robin's cape, it tried to escape.
It was worn all over, but was made for the nape.

But at the neck it no longer was,
when bathtime finished, and mainly because -

Batman fought Mr. Freeze
while Robin tried to avoid the cool breeze.

But Robin caught chill
due to his cape being nill.

We looked for his cape, and it could not be found.
(At least not with the child around).

It took a year,
and after many chemicals it became clear
there was definitely something else going on here.

The tub continued to back up,
from the faucet or from a cup.

Finally, the wife, she plunged.
Eventually, the problem was expunged.

The cape it was found
and to the garbage it was bound.

It was torn, it was dirty. Smelly, musty and definitely not dry.
But did that help the child not cry?
Of course not, and what else could go awry?

It wasn't for the cape the child did mourn,
but rather that Louis Lane might continue to be forlorn.

Gone Goofy...

The party line is: "We are taking the children to enjoy the experience that is the Magic Kingdom".

The reality is the wife wants to know how Snow White can put up with 7 vertically challenged males while I want to sit down with my buddy Goofy, feeding him Tequila, until he answers the two questions plaguing mankind for decades: whether or not he's a talking dog and why Donald doesn't wear pants (subquestion being why he wears a towel after showering though).

So, we've gone Goofy (or at least more so than normal). We're scheduled to return, but I could go for one of those enchantment thingies right about now, especially if it involves Princess Wife. The kids might enjoy it, but really, this shouldn't be all about them...

Monday, October 10, 2005

The next Lance Armstrong...

Yes, that's right. I have spotted the next Lance Armstrong. He came complete with racing helmet, yellow racing jersey, butt padded but otherwise skin tight bike racing trunks, super grip bicycle shoes and gloves (all matching) and let's not forget - a lightweight yet sleek bicycle.

The only problems I saw keeping him from making it into Paris first?

1) Socks didn't match. - and you know with that much media attention, the french won't let a US biker slide on a fashion faux paux such as this.

2) He was riding a train at the time. - somehow I just can't see Lance jumping on a mid-town train, bike, half filled water bottle and all, in the middle of a training workout. This could just be me though.

3) Checking voicemail on his blackberry. - but maybe this was the reason for the train?

4) The extra 75+ pounds poured into the even ordinarily skin tight outfit? - Oh, yeah, that WAS the reason for catching the mid-town train and checking voice mail instead of finishing the training.

One last thing Mr. Train Riding Bicycler - next time put some shorts on over the outfit please? Maybe even some less displaying outfit like Speedos or something. There were children on the train. Not a good look at all training or no training.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Big Words...

In case you haven't noticed, I have a propensity for using large words. Well, it caught up with the middle child today.

Me: (to youngest) You know, the punishment I commuted earlier can just as easily be reinstated...
Middle: Dad, why do you use big words all the time? Do you really think we know what that means?
Me: Well, what did I just say?
Middle: Well, you just said that if the youngest keeps talking, you'll give him the punishment you were going to give out earlier.
Me: Exactly. I thought you didn't understand me? Maybe next time you shouldn't pipe up unless something isn't clear, and then I'll give you a punishment, like assigning you to figure it out...
Middle: Unnnh. Why do I do that?

Lunchtime laughs...

While eating lunch today, everyone was getting silly. The kids all decided I was acting like a mime and so began practicing themselves when the following happens:

Oldest: (Trying to do the invisible box, moves hands until looking at the youngest, then flicks youngest in the arm)
Youngest: (Begins attempting to do the same, then punches oldest lightly)
Oldest: (Begins preparing to pounce the youngest)
Me: Don't flick or hit the youngest again or you WILL be in trouble...
Oldest: Is that just for today?

But she's pretty...

While trying to unclog her hairspray this morning, the wife pointed it to where she could see it and pushed. Luckily it missed her eyes, but her rejoinder was that she likes the taste.

Yep, she's still pretty...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Thank you...

Hi everyone. I just wanted to drop a note about what I consider to be a milestone. Seems that while I've been busy writing stories about my family and our day to day lives, mainly to document my thoughts and feelings for the kids, other people are getting interested.

I'm fairly astounded, but readership on this blog has gone from me, to well, quite a few. It seems that the last couple months there has been a sustained unique readership over 200 people and we're well on the way to that again this month. Not quite star status, but amazing to me that so many different people are interested in the day to day adventures of my youngest schizophrenic, type A middle child, the wild one oldest and their lame old parents.

So, thanks for tuning in, and hopefully we'll be able to pull out a few nuggets to keep you interested.


Kirk Maltby after being a bad boy.

Picture from the game last week. Welcome back guys!

I need a vacation...

When I've been travelling for work, it is quite a bit harder on the wife and I'm afraid I'm not much help. See, I've missed beating the children, so I must spend time torturing them when I get back. For this reason, the wife has begun to refer to me as her fourth child and has also started requesting a vacation for some reason (well, at least she isn't re-enacting that old Calgon commercial).

So, while the oldest is putting away dishes, I begin torturing a bit and the following occurs:

Oldest: Ow. (tried to kick me and kicked the cabinet instead)
Wife: I have four children. Not three. Four.
Oldest: Yeah, well, I'm going to get even with him...
Wife: Uhhh. I need a vacation
Oldest: Yep, and I NEED a drink

I'm guessing the wife has had other new sayings this week too. She should be out of rehab in just a few more weeks. We all wish her well and hope she enjoys the kind of vacation which brings about withdrawals.

Not gone 5 minutes...

It was funny this week. I was travelling and one of our neighbors needed a place to put a car for a while. My wife agreed to let him put the car in our driveway, but the children didn't like it at all...

Oldest: Who's car is that?
Wife: Oh, that's Jordo's. He's just parking it there for a little bit.
Oldest: (Indignantly) Mom, Dad hasn't been gone even a day yet and you are having other people over? How does that look? I'm going to tell Dad that as soon as he leaves you have other guys over...

Right about here the beatings began...The oldest should be home soon...but the marriage is just fine.

The joys of travel...

I spent this week in the city of St. Louis. All in all, there really isn't much to do there, but I was able to catch the Red Wings live while there. I ended up with tickets at the glass on the blue line and enjoyed it thoroughly. Only thing which could have made it better was to have had the game go in to overtime and be decided (in the Wings favor of course) by a shootout. Alas, it didn't happen, but the Wings
did win and the wife will be complaining for a good long time about how I've ditched her with 3 children so I could go watch the game. I do so like it when she's jealous like that...

I have to admit however, that another big highlight of the week was the airplane ride home. It isn't often that you get a flight attendant who can actually have a good time and help you to relax.

Favorite lines from the ride:

FA: (while banging head on the luggage carrier) I know you all appeared to be a bright group, but FCC regulations require that I inform you the door you just came through is NOT the lavatory - there are people who try to use that door for that purpose in mid flight; please don't be one of them...

FA: It gets better when I have to show 60 adults how to use a seat belt...

FA: This is not the 747 I'm used to (actually, little island hopper jet), but it drives me nuts when I have to ask those people "Chicken or Beef" and they return with "How's the beef cooked?". My response: by a big guy with a hairnet. It really isn't that big a choice. Then they ask, "Well, should the beef go with a red wine or white?" and again, I have to say, you know, the wine isn't going to change the taste of the meat - so will it be chicken or beef? If they ask more after that, then I have to point out it doesn't matter as they both taste the same anyway...

FA: (Grabs the guys in the first two seats of the cabin) On this flight, you are my first class passengers. I know your seats don't appear any different and you really won't get any different service, but I've got a curtain we'll pull around you and you can be special. That's all they'll allow me to do, so don't ask for more. Hang on, I've got to go deal with the lowlifes...(takes one step and addresses the lady in the third seat) How can I help my favorite coach passenger?

FA: (After starting the FCC mandated recording) She talks too slow through this part. (Patiently waiting to display how to use the seat belt, complete with eyes crossed and tongue hanging out...when it gets to the part, misses the belt buckle...twice. Finally gets it, then backs up two steps and states he must also show the first class passengers...)

Next comes the oxygen mask bit. While displaying, the recording states to remember to breath normally to which he chuckles and adds "Yeah, breath normally, like everyone wouldn't be hyperventillating because of the situation which forces the masks out...that part always cracks me up."

FA: Recording finishes and he walks through the cabin complaining - "You know, I just want to light a match under her, she does that so slowly. And then too, she does it just the same at 5:00am, just too perky. But the thing that really gets me? She never uses my name, it's always just "Flight Attendant this" and "Flight
Attendant that". That's really irritating because she knows my name is John".

FA: When the pilots address the passengers, they are sure to say "John will prepare the cabin for departure now" and John gleefully points out that THEY can get his name right.

FA: (Upon landing) I want to thank all of our passengers on this flight. I also want to remind you to watch your head as you exit the plane. I can tell you from experience (starts rubbing his head) that the doorway IS lower than the ceiling as you exit. Trust me.

So, after a busy work week, it is nice to have a surprise and have a fun and funny person like that to deal with. It might also be funnier since most of the passengers on the plane were business travellers and didn't listen to any of it. I just hope he doesn't play cards too often because he clearly doesn't always play with a full deck...

Sunday, October 02, 2005


While eating italian (spaghetti), the kids were using asian utensils (chopsticks). Yep, definitely confused. At least they'll have some reason for attending therapy later in life.

Add to all of this, I bust out with a rendition of "Chances are", which ends up like this:

Me: Chances are...
Youngest: You are bizarre

Yep, these are the reasons parents work so hard to put the kids in therapy.

Sibling love...

Oldest: I'm gonna smack you upside the head...
Youngest (without missing a beat): I'm gonna run up you with my cleats on...