Monday, January 24, 2005

More fun body humor...

The youngest daughter is commonly known as our frat girl. This is because of her tendency to belch and fart pretty much whenever the need arises (usually half way through dinner). So, we tend to have a very similar talk nightly addressing the issue. Tonight's went like this, and needless to say did not have the intended impact:

Daughter: (machine gun sounds with her behind)
All: (Looking at her horrified)
Daughter: (Belches a 7.2 on the richter)
All: (again with the horror)
Me: Um, again, and I want to remind you I say this nightly, but if you really feel the need to poop your pants and puke like that, please do so away (preferably far, far away) from the table
All: YOU SAID POOP AND PUKE!!!! TOO FUNNY!!!

Yeah, next time I think I might let the wife handle it. Well, at least the daughter is pretty...

Dairy Air...

So, we're talking to the sick boy at the dinner table and he made some smart comment to which the following conversation gets started:

Me: Boy, you're lucky the doctor didn't give you a shot in the dairyair (buttocks, hind section, "back there")
Son: (Laughing - cause he knew I meant butt) - No, the needle would have had to pass through the knoxious cloud before it penetrated that area...
Son: (after a moment of though) - I guess that'd be flatulence, not dairyair...
Son: (still laughing) I got shot in my flatulence and dairyair!!! or I coulda anyways...

Oh to be young again and find behinds that funny. Instead, I just find mine flabby and flatulence tends to be more of a problem than a punchline. Viva la difference!!!

Leaving a legend...

They don't get much better than Johnny Carson. Another legend passes leaving a large hole. He will be missed. Goodbye Johnny!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Another Day Older...

So, the oldest miraculously made it another year (was touch and go for a while there...). Happy birthday Bugs!!!

Big present was a guitar - she's stil shaking so hard it can play itself. Now, where did I put those earplugs...

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

More from the pretty files...

So, I'm gone. The laser level is out. Can the family leave it alone? Of course not - which is probably a good thing otherwise the following wouldn't have happened...

Oldest: Cool, Dad left his level out. How's it work (while playing with it)
Wife: I don't know, if you figure it out, let me know...
Oldest: OUCH!!!! (as she pokes herself with the stabilizing needle (for hands free level action)
Wife: (laughing) What did you do?
Oldest: (sucking finger) IT BIT ME?

Now, it's at this point the wife picks up the level and proceeds to play with the other end looking for the laser...

Wife: OUCH!!! IT BIT ME TOO!!!

And so neither figured out how to use it until I got home.

It must be the dye, but they are SOOOOO Pretty!!!

Interesting idea...

So, last few days have been busy for me. While talking with the wife and the oldest, the oldest stated that I was working too hard lately. I pointed out that if I didn't, she wouldn't have lots of the things she likes - like tomagotchygoochie thingamajiggers. It was at this point she popped out with what will always be a famous line in this house from now on:

Dad - you should just become a soup seller.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Computer problems...

So, the wife and I are on our way to try to get me to have a heart attack (I think she wants the life insurance - mile hike up a mountain with a mile hike back down. Why'd I agree - 'cause I'm getting fat...). On the way to the attempted murder (she made me go - can't be suicide if I really didn't agree) we have the following conversation:

Wife: Outlook (computer email program) isn't working right on the computer...
Me: What? What's going on with it?
Wife: It's not working.
Me: Umm, need more information, what did it do? What was the error message? Details please...
Wife: It's not working...
Me: So what? Did it put up a message saying that it was depressed? Just didn't feel like working? It's mad at you, what?
Wife (grumpily): NO. It said it wanted to be held. I double clicked the icon and waited like a minute and nothing happened.
Me: Sorry. Is it still happening?
Wife: Nope, it started working as soon as I held it for a bit.
Me: Yep, couldn't have been you then...

Homework Time...

The joys of kindergarden:

So, the boy comes home with homework. It is a crossword puzzle where you look at the pictures and have to write the correct words into the puzzle. Sounds simple, right? Well, one of the pictures looked like a cross between a bus and a small van. The boy chooses van and writes it down. The wife realizes it is a bus and tries to assist, but chooses to let him learn from his own mistakes, which causes the following condensed conversation:

Mom: Honey, I think that is a bus.
Son: Nope, it's a van. Mom, you're helping too much...
(later)
Son: Mom, you're not helping enough. (Mom comes back to help)
Mom: Honey, what's this picture?
Son: It's a fish.
Mom: How do you spell fish
Son: f-i-s-h
Mom: So why is this one spelled f-i-n-h? (last letter of van)
Son: Cause the "s" wouldn't fit. I could put it next to it though...

So, after 20 minutes of arguing about not enough help, too much help, and just frustrated screaming - I think the boy finally realized his mistake and corrected it. Personally, it all made me hungry and I think I'm going to go have some finh and chips now...

Monday, January 10, 2005

Other spots to find me...

Work
Home
Work Ramblings
Personal

Come vist!!!

It wasn't me...

So, as we normally do, we're going through the best and worst part of everyone's day (and yeah, I already know it's rather "Beaver Cleaver"ish, so don't bother with the comments...)

Youngest Daughter: ...and the worst part of my day was losing a smiley in school...
Me: So, what did you lose the smiley for?
YD: Well...everyone in class was talking...and...and...and...they just made me want to do it...and the teacher took a smiley away from me.
Me: And only from you?
YD: Well, there were these two boys who were talking...
Me: I thought it was the class...
Oldest Daughter: Her boyfriend was talking and she HAD to talk back...

And right about here was the smack heard round the table...(if only in my head)

Seriously though, can you imagine the youngest daughter getting in trouble for talking? Geez, what will the teacher want to stop next? Wars?

The other funny thing is the Youngest Daughter actually worrying about losing a smiley once a week (or month) in class. When I was her age, my teachers had already assigned me a time for sitting in the corner for disrupting class. Same bat time, same bat place until further notice...

Mornings...

Again with the boy:

Mornings are sometimes rough. Kids were up late a couple days ago and outside most of the day yesterday, so, understandably a little tired this morning. The boy woke up yelling about the lights being on (slight light from the bathroom - nothing major). After several minutes of bellyaching about the light, the boy got up to go to the bathroom.

He's nothing if not prepared, because when I came back to make sure the kids were getting ready for school, I notice all of the lights are off and there is a shaky light in the bathroom. I check, and it is the boy, going potty, with a flashlight in hand. Obviously this was much easier on the eyes - and I'm guessing a whole lot more fun. ;)

Good Charlotte vs. The Boy...

Good Charlotte has a song which contains the following lines:

"I rock a lawsuit - when I'm going to court.
I wear a white suit - when I'm getting divorced.
I wear a black suit - when I'm at the funeral home and my birthday suit - when I'm all alone..."

The son's version:
"I rock a lawsuit - when I'm going to court.
I wear a white suit - when I'm getting divorced.
I wear a black suit - at the foster home and my birthday suit - when I'm all alone".

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Christmas (belated story)

Forgot to mention this story, but it is sure to be a classic...

The youngest daughter is definitely my child. Christmas morning, the oldest wakes everyone at 6:30 am and when I go in to wake the youngest daughter, she growls the following:

IT IS TOO EARLY FOR PRESENTS. WAKE ME IN AN HOUR.

Begrudgingly she got up shortly after and thoroughly enjoyed Christmas, but it was far from a sure thing at the outset.

Friday, January 07, 2005

So pretty...

So, my wife is all excited this morning because she doesn't have to go to work. So, here is the conversation I overhear as I walk into the kitchen today:

Wife (to children): You know I don't have to work today. I'll be happy to walk you to the bus stop.
Youngest daughter: Um, yeah, we could tell.
Wife: How's that?
YD: Well, for starters you aren't wearing your work clothes. Next, you also just look b-ute-e-full. Really Mom, you're so pretty...

So, my wife, slightly disturbed, chuckles uncomfortably and goes into the bathroom to see if the daughter was right. Yep, bed head has not made it into mainstream yet. My wife is so pretty. ;)

Monday, January 03, 2005

It's Up...

The website is up. Nothing major, but it is functioning as expected. So, if you'd care to see the family, click here and enjoy. Other picture pages will be uploaded shortly and I'll try to keep the main pic updated regularly.

The story of a life...

Apparently the boy has a story to his life and somehow it has something to do with "Home De Pot". Not real sure where he's going with this story, but I think he's upgraded himself so instead of being from KMart in a blue light special he's now come from a can of paint from Home Depot.

At least I think that's an upgrade - he might have been mixed a little wrong and returned the first time.

Happy New Year!!!

I realize I'm late, but I hope that everyone is currently and will continue to have a great and happy new year!!!