I spent this week in the city of St. Louis. All in all, there really isn't much to do there, but I was able to catch the Red Wings live while there. I ended up with tickets at the glass on the blue line and enjoyed it thoroughly. Only thing which could have made it better was to have had the game go in to overtime and be decided (in the Wings favor of course) by a shootout. Alas, it didn't happen, but the Wings
did win and the wife will be complaining for a good long time about how I've ditched her with 3 children so I could go watch the game. I do so like it when she's jealous like that...
I have to admit however, that another big highlight of the week was the airplane ride home. It isn't often that you get a flight attendant who can actually have a good time and help you to relax.
Favorite lines from the ride:
FA: (while banging head on the luggage carrier) I know you all appeared to be a bright group, but FCC regulations require that I inform you the door you just came through is NOT the lavatory - there are people who try to use that door for that purpose in mid flight; please don't be one of them...
FA: It gets better when I have to show 60 adults how to use a seat belt...
FA: This is not the 747 I'm used to (actually, little island hopper jet), but it drives me nuts when I have to ask those people "Chicken or Beef" and they return with "How's the beef cooked?". My response: by a big guy with a hairnet. It really isn't that big a choice. Then they ask, "Well, should the beef go with a red wine or white?" and again, I have to say, you know, the wine isn't going to change the taste of the meat - so will it be chicken or beef? If they ask more after that, then I have to point out it doesn't matter as they both taste the same anyway...
FA: (Grabs the guys in the first two seats of the cabin) On this flight, you are my first class passengers. I know your seats don't appear any different and you really won't get any different service, but I've got a curtain we'll pull around you and you can be special. That's all they'll allow me to do, so don't ask for more. Hang on, I've got to go deal with the lowlifes...(takes one step and addresses the lady in the third seat) How can I help my favorite coach passenger?
FA: (After starting the FCC mandated recording) She talks too slow through this part. (Patiently waiting to display how to use the seat belt, complete with eyes crossed and tongue hanging out...when it gets to the part, misses the belt buckle...twice. Finally gets it, then backs up two steps and states he must also show the first class passengers...)
Next comes the oxygen mask bit. While displaying, the recording states to remember to breath normally to which he chuckles and adds "Yeah, breath normally, like everyone wouldn't be hyperventillating because of the situation which forces the masks out...that part always cracks me up."
FA: Recording finishes and he walks through the cabin complaining - "You know, I just want to light a match under her, she does that so slowly. And then too, she does it just the same at 5:00am, just too perky. But the thing that really gets me? She never uses my name, it's always just "Flight Attendant this" and "Flight
Attendant that". That's really irritating because she knows my name is John".
FA: When the pilots address the passengers, they are sure to say "John will prepare the cabin for departure now" and John gleefully points out that THEY can get his name right.
FA: (Upon landing) I want to thank all of our passengers on this flight. I also want to remind you to watch your head as you exit the plane. I can tell you from experience (starts rubbing his head) that the doorway IS lower than the ceiling as you exit. Trust me.
So, after a busy work week, it is nice to have a surprise and have a fun and funny person like that to deal with. It might also be funnier since most of the passengers on the plane were business travellers and didn't listen to any of it. I just hope he doesn't play cards too often because he clearly doesn't always play with a full deck...
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