The Joy of Being a Kid...

We gathered a new critter at the homestead this week. The youngest decided we needed a caterpillar. As of today, the critter has been contained in a margarita bucket with the same bit of grass for 2.5 days (must have reminded at LEAST 4 times today to feed the thing new grass and new water). So, later in the day I use the facilities, to find the hand towel wrapped in grass; at first I wondered why we had a small bush on the counter. I was very proud that I finally had been listened to and that the critter had been fed. Fast forward two hours... The child then informs his parents he didn't actually FEED the critter, he watered the old stuff (waste not, want not). At this point, the mother figure asks if she can do that to macaroni and cheese from now on....hmmmm...NOOOOOO.

So, upon reflection, I mentioned that maybe it's time for the critter to be let go. Yeah, that went over well. And this is the child we were thinking about getting a real pet...Nope, not happening yet.

There are days...

When I feel like I'll be getting one of these letters. If nothing else, I'm sure I've had teachers create the letter even if I did convince them not to send it...

How's that spelled...?

While reviewing the youngest's latest batch of schoolwork:

ME: Ummm, how do you spell "lion" (on the paper as "liyon")?
Youngest: Uhhh, like that isn't it?
ME: Nope, but what I really don't get is this: Where is the story at that you are answering these questions?
Youngest: Up above in the paper
ME: And so the lion in question is spelled correctly in the story...right?
Youngest: Umm, yeah.
ME: So why'd you misspell the word then?
Youngest: Umm, I don't know. (then runs away as if I'm going to beat the child for it)

Clearing thy name...

Not sure which post got this goose's gander, but here goes...

Dear sir or madam,
After reading your "blog," I feel the need to clear my name and
clarify something to you regarding the myself being to blame for
your son's focus on heinous bodily functions. Throughout the
centuries, man has flatulated and defecated. Since the dawn of
time, young male offspring have been infatuated with these bodily
functions. We see proof of this in the annals of history: The
Venus de Milo lost her arms after repeatedly smacking her children
in the head for "potty talk". Bethoven was not born deaf, but lost
his hearing after his mother smacked him in the head just a trifle
too hard. So you see, as long as there have been children to be
infatuated with farting and pooping, there have been mothers to
smack them.

In conclusion, your son is completely normal, at least in this
instance. And, I, therefore have nothing to do with this
infatuation of his on bodily functions. I eagerly await an apology,
and perhaps a gift certificate to Damon's STeak house - they have
those delicious little spring rolls. WHy so they call them spring
rolls? There are no springs in them at all, hmm.

Scott Michael Gray
Esquire


Next time Mr. Esquire, you might just want to use the comment section - I'll still make a point of picking on you but at least I won't have to cut/paste the email...

The good child...

This weekend, we had a lot planned. The wife wanted me to mulch her gardens (my only contribution to outdoor beautification besides mowing and such), needed to pay bills and some other menial type errands. However, none of this fit into the good child's plans. Nope, she wanted a new home for her rat. (For those that don't know about the rat, it actually is very sweet and friendly...but a long story) She was so gung ho she was offering to pay a good portion of the new home. Unfortunately, she knew we couldn't go until we had these other chores done. So, rather than whine and complain (been there, done that), she pitched in to help out.

I'm now trying to figure out how to get all the kids to help out with the chores around the house like that. She threw mulch, got me drinks during paying bills, and generally just ran around all day being very helpful. So, maybe she'll get the new cage next week... ;)