Pictures...

Hey guys - pictures from Bdays, Thanksgiving and Xmas are posted. I will be adding comments, but they are viewable now. Take care and have a safe New Years!!!

The boy who cried wolf...

One of our children has been complaining of being sick a lot lately and it is starting to seem like a story to get out of doing certain things. Tonight, it seemed to be to get out of eating steak...

Anyway, I brought up how I hope this isn't the case, when one of the other children brought in the boy who cried wolf story...

Child 1: Yeah, just like in the boy who cried wolf. And then the wolf came, and ate all of the sheep...
Child 2: Yeah, and it ate the boy too...
Child 1: Ohh, that's right. Karma.

Wine...

It turns your peeth turple...

Can we say someone had too much?

Weather...

All right. I know I complained about being cold a while back. Well, yesterday was not so cold. Since the kids are home for break and I'm primarily working from home, I tossed them outside so they could run, play and make noise. The best excuse for needing to come in after 20 minutes:

"But Dad, it's too WARM outside."

It was around 60 degrees out yesterday and I made the kids play outside for about 2 hours. You would have thought it was a hardship. I mean, it isn't like we didn't torture them with a hike on Christmas Eve, which is so much more wrong than playing outside in beautiful weather...

Umm, so, I apologize for complaining about the cold here in Georgia before. And also now about driving you crazy with the warm and beautiful weather here the last few days...

Come Again?

I went the other day to the "Apple Store" in our local mall as I was trying to decide whether or not I could run necessary business applications on an iPod. I showed up, and there was actually a line of people waiting to get into the store. And I waited. And there wasn't even a roller coaster or treats or anything inside. What was that all about?

So TIGHT!!!

The youngest has begun a new trend which is already VERY annoying...

Instead of presents being "cool" or "awesome" or some other similar monicher, they were all "so tight...".

Youngest: Oh wow! This is SOO TIGHT!!!
Me: So, does that mean you like it?
Youngest: Yeah!!!
Me: Well, that's good. I'd hate for it to be loose...
Youngest: Huh?

Yep, while I understood what was meant, the phrase just doesn't completely cross over for me...

Happy Ho-Ho...

Happy Holidays to all. Tonight has always been special for our family as I'm sure it is for yours, regardless of faith or creed. The kids are excited. The wife is excited. I'm excited. Heck, the dog is excited. All waiting on a snappily dressed fat burglar to show up...

So, from our family to you and yours, I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season. I hope that you get to share your time and memories with people who love and care about you as much as you do them. For those not with us due to distance or disaster, know that we are thinking of you and you will be with us in spirit. As the jolly fat man says:

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!

Duck Hunting...

The other day, one of the children came into my room late at night when the following discussion ensued:

Child: What was that?
Mom: That was your father...
Dad: Nope, it was a duck...
Child: A duck?
Dad: Yep, I'm duck hunting...
Child: Well, that one's dead...

What the heck were they thinking...

I'm always amazed when incredible cars like this are out and about during prime shopping times...

Shopping...

At dinner the following ensued:

Middle: I want credit!!!
Me (not sure of the context): For what? Gambling? Shopping, what?
Middle: Shopping...
Me: Whatcha gonna get me?
Middle: Women's winter underwear...

Ahh, at least they think about me...

Football Sunday...

I always knew my wife just didn't get it when it came to certain sports like football. Today, I learned just how true that is while watching the Indianapolis Colts attempt to continue their undefeated season. It all started at the beginning of the fourth quarter.

Wife: Who is that getting off the ground? (Referring to Ladanian Thomlinson) Is that the quarterback?
Me: Umm, no...
Wife: Well, then why do they keep picking him up off the ground?
Me: Because he keeps getting knocked down.

Wife: So, are we rooting for South Dakota or Indiana?
Me: *crickets*
Wife: What?
Me: Umm, San Diego and Indianapolis.
Wife: Well, same initials.

Wife: Is this college or professional? (As game fades to commercial)
Me: Don't you remember going to the UM game with me?
Wife: Yeah. What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Do you remember what day of the week that was on?
Wife: No, why would I?
Me: Because until bowl season, all college games are typically on Saturday and all pro games are on Sunday...
Wife: Yeah, so?
Me: Well, it's Sunday, which implies...
Wife: Why would you expect me to know that?
Me: I wouldn't, but I would have thought you'd have picked up the hints such as no "University" in the team names and that when we went to commercial they promoted "NFL on CBS"...
Wife: I used to think it was the game I didn't like...now I know it to be you...

Sweet Nothings...

Today, while finishing up the last of our Christmas shopping, the wife and I are standing in line when the following occurs:

She sweetly, leans in, gives me a big warm hug and whispers in my ear...

"Did you fart?"

Ahhh, the joys of marital bliss and whispered (un)sweet nothings...

Update: I did not post this part mainly because I couldn't figure a way to post online forcefully without coming across defensive...

I DID NOT FART!!!

More childish fun...

The middle, oldest and mother were going to a Christmas party. They were running late and the oldest hadn't put any shoes on yet, so Mom instructs them to head for the car and the oldest should put her shoes on in the car. Unfortunately for the oldest, the car was locked and Mom was still looking for her purse, which led to a very amusing "cold foot" dance likely to be all the rage in the clubs as soon as I figure out how to market it...

Well, that obviously won't work...

Mom: So, do you understand why you got in trouble?
Youngest: Not really.
Mom: What, is it going to take? Until you have children?
Youngest: Probably.
Mom: So, you're saying you aren't going to understand until you're 30?
Youngest: Yeah, but I'll have moved out by then.

Business As Usual...

Many of you know that I frequently work from home. The past couple of weeks however, I've had to go into a client site to work with many others. Generally, whenever I need to do this, I dress professionally: suit, tie and even take a shower on most days. This seemed to strike the others as strange, leading to the following conversation.

Co-Worker: Awww, look. He's all dressed up again...
Me: Yeah. I needed to come in and see you guys and I just thought to myself that my normal attire, yesterdays underwear, just wouldn't be appropriate for this setting...

I think that might be the last time they bug me about dressing professionally for work...

More fun breakfast conversations...

Youngest: Mom, I have oatmeal running through my boo-boo medicine.
Middle: What's this about boob fantasies? Why are you talking about boob fantasies?

Now, keep in mind these children are 7 and 8 years old respectively. So, while I don't have a particular hard time with this conversation mainly due to ages and understanding, I'm really curious how they found out about boob fantasies. I mean, it's not like I'm running around talking about mine with everyone in the household. Nor do I think my wife is doing it (although I can dream, and if you do dear, I WANT PICTURES - I might even be able to help...).

Don't forget...

Back on my birthday, my wonderful wife procured two tickets to the Wings game here in Atlanta on Tuesday. The Wings lost 7-6 in what was an excellent game. In a couple strokes of luck, a friend and coworker of mine was in town working with me. Knowing he's a big hockey fan, I invited him and the others we were working with to the game as well. He was the only one to decide to join us. Since my wife picked up our tickets months ago and because the Wings tend to be a draw where ever they go, we didn't think Jim would be able to sit anywhere near us and were pleasantly surprised when he was able to purchase tickets in our section and when no one showed up to sit in the seats around us. Unfortunately for Jim, that allowed the following conversations:

Me: (While wife was gone to the restroom)Jim, I need to go to the restroom - watch my wife's purse please

Which Jim, being the gentleman he is, did so without complaint. The unfortunate part comes in later when:

Jim: I've got to go to the restroom. I'll be right back...
Me: No problem. (waits until he is halfway down the row and then shout) I'll watch your purse for you!

Jim didn't come back to his seat, even after all of the laughter died down. He then proceeded to run over a guy three times trying to leave the parking lot in such a rush.

Happy Birthday!!!

Today, the youngest turned 7! What does the birthday kid want for dinner? Yep - mac and cheese. MMM GOOD!

Happy birthday to what I consider to be the most ecclectic personality mix possible.

Update: Sad, but we convinced the child to eat McDonald's. Worked well as long as the family agreed to sing "Happy Birthday" in the restaurant. Well, whatever it takes to avoid Kraft Mac & Cheese or some other derivative.

Overheard...

...I am going to pummel you in the head repeatedly...(From Dad)

...I know, I know, I know. I don't know, I'm not a mind reader...(Oldest - which helped get the above response)

...My room is clean. Well except for this, and that, oh, and those...(Middle upon room inspection)

...The reason it is taking me so long to get my room cleaned is that I'm looking for a place for my new stuff...(From Youngest, referring to gifts from recent birthday party)

...Help Me...(Mother - on chore day)

...aroo-roo, roo...(Minnie - wondering why everyone is working and not loving or playing with her)

Welcome to a typical Chore Day in our house. I know, I know, TMI - "Too Much Information" - well, too boring at least...

Technology backslide...

The middle child likes to skip songs on various CDs which tends to drive the entire family incredibly batty. My wife came up with a very good idea which I seriously think we need to consider: switch to cassettes. I mean, do you remember trying to stop at exactly the beginning of the next song on a cassette? It was impossible, and not only that, it gave us the patience to listen to the whole tape. If you didn't, you put yourself into the world of trying to just find "that one song". People, tapes are the reason I didn't really get into music until my late twenties...The only downside I see is that I don't think even my oldest really knows how to work a cassette tape.

Speaking of technology - the kids are entirely addicted to DVR. They've already blocked out the fact that it used to be a major production to tape a show and that live TV wasn't pausable, let alone rewindable. So, while these new features are totally addicting, I have to wonder why I still can't find time to watch the game I wanted to see. Seems like the majority of things which get DVR'd are things like SpongeBob and The Last Avatar - nothing the wife or I really am interested in. Hmm, maybe I'll start correcting that now, there must be a game on somewhere, it is Sunday after all...

Happy Flippin' Holidays...

I love the holidays, really I do. I just don't like the crowds, and the shopping, and the rudely annoying people, and the traffic and spending money and . Keep in mind, I love my family too, however, if someone really wanted to rent them I'd be game. The rest, well, that'd just be details right?

This year, I've found I'm awful pensive. This is the first year I can't really do 90% of my shopping for the kids at the toy store. I mean, that is the one day I actually enjoy shopping for something other than books. We go into the toy store looking for just the right items for our kids, neices, nephews, friends kids, etc. and I usually have so much fun and go right to the areas which best fit each individual kids personalities. Here is where I get into my element, because in order to personalize each item, I must play with it to verify it will be something the child will want. Now, with all of the kids getting older, they just aren't interested in these things. They want MP3 players, CD's, and generally things I don't want to play with. It is also cutting severely into my cover. People, this must be corrected soon, otherwise I'll just be another weird old dude playing at Toys "R" Us.

Sad Day...

Freddy the pet rat became very ill yesterday. The middle child and I took Freddy in to the vet today to see if there was anything that could be done. Unfortunately, by the time he showed signs of not feeling well and we were able to get him seen, there wasn't much to be done; he had an acute case of pnuemonia, likely brought on by strep throat which would have been picked up earlier in the week. Freddy was put to sleep and brought home to be buried.

The middle child is holding up pretty well, but the whole family is shaken. Freddy was playful and had a wonderful personality which will be missed very much.

Don't get mad, get even...

While we were out and about today, we were listening to Bowling for Soup. Without digressing too far, this is one of the bands the oldest really enjoys, so when it is on, it is usually accompanied - loudly. Today, we were all riding in my truck, which is a tight fit for all five of us. Needless to say, when the singing began, (and the oldest wasn't the only accompanier), it had the effect of drowning out the actual music. I asked repeatedly for the accompaniments to either stop, or at the very least lessen, all to no avail. So, what is a driver a vehicle to do? I turned the radio up and the singing too got louder. I turned the music down, but then only the singing could be heard.

I figured if you can't beat them, join them - so I started dancing. Yes, that's right - full on driver dancing in stopped traffic, surrounded by other Christmas shoppers (who needless to say were laughing their heads off). Did this solve my problem? Not really, but it was fun to see the wife slinking under the dashboard, begging me to stop while the children not only sang louder, but then too joined in on the "groovy dance moves".

Now all I need is a way to market automobile dance lessons.

Joy to the World...

Unless you attempt to take our Christmas tree. To the unnamed lady who had the audacity to pick up our tree while we were looking for another one...I truly am sorry.

Ahh, but let me bring the rest of you up to speed. Today, we went shopping for our Christmas tree. Every year, we do a real tree and since we've been in the south, we've discovered you can only keep a tree in some semblance of life for just about 4 weeks. Also, southern trees are not the same as their northern brethren, so we always get a fir tree since it helps remind us of home and the holidays. Now, because we went home for Turkey Day, we only have 3 weeks left and others who also shop for Christmas trees have already been picking through them.

Unfortunately for everyone, my wife has trouble being satisfied with Christmas trees. Last year, we found what our entire family (including the wife) thought to be the perfect tree. However, the wife thought there might be an "even more perfect" tree hidden somewhere else. While searching for this ideal tree, another family came along and picked up our perfect tree. Irritated, we ended up having to extend our search and head home slightly less satisfied and highly annoyed to start the holiday season.

This year, we were lucky enough to find a beatiful tree early on. When my wife decided to continue searching for the "even more perfect" tree, our family reminded her of the lesson from last year. Completely ignoring us, she forced us all to continue the search. Upon deciding that we had found the perfect tree already, we head back to make our purchase only to see another wife and mother holding our tree up for her family's approval. The audacity of other Christmas tree shoppers. How could she not realize that this perfect tree was reserved for us? Fortunately for us, upon hearing our entire family groan as we begin reliving last year's nightmare, and my wife shouting "our Christmas tree!", the offending lady jumped, threw the tree and ran away.

After many more apologies from myself, I was finally able to explain the situation, we were able to get our tree and hopefully retain peace in the world for the season. I'm not sure however that any of this did anything to lesson the numerous therapy sessions it will take to allow that wonderfully kind lady to be able to shop for a real Christmas tree again. So, what does the wife do after we secure our tree? Yep, you guessed it, she went searching for the "even more perfect" tree again. At this point, I told the children to tackle her and drag her out of the area bodily.

Hmmm, so we've created another fake tree person and one less competitor for our future searches. We also taught the children a most appropriate time to wrestle with your parents. Isn't that a great holiday lesson for the kids?